OK

There have been some victories and some setbacks - but overall it's been rough days.

More below the dooblydoo.

On the plus side - finally got my license sorted. Saw a therapist. Things are relatively quiet at home other than the FOX room of conspiracies 24/7 - but I avoid that.  Got the last of the dental work done and my teeth are happy and clean - no more getting stabbed in the mouth on Mondays.

On the rough side - the SSDI appts were scheduled too close together and I missed the mental one because we just weren't done at the physical one in time.  I did learn that despite 20+ years of smoking, asthma and TB I still have about 80% of my lungs working - which all things considered is pretty damn good.

But I seem to have gone into a slump.  While the medication works fairly well - it doesn't completely stop the symptoms, just makes them quieter.  And the disembodied voice of my wifeish won't stop talking to me.

This is new - just the last month or so - and the medication doesn't phase her a bit. Probably because we are getting closer to the time everything blew up in my face.  The only way I have to avoid it is sleep.  So I sleep.  Somewhere around 18 hours a day now.

I don't want to eat or bathe, I cry randomly. I do eat, and bathe because if I don't my Mum is up my ass.  But I don't WANT to.  I pretend that the crying is allergies - but it's not.  I'm sad to the point of being... empty inside.

I want to go home, but I can't do that without the appt being rescheduled and dealt with - and I'm not awake during the hours I need to handle that.  The parental units deal as they have always dealt with me - I'm ignored largely unless it's to critique my bathing or eating habits.  They don't notice anything else because they've never noticed anything else.  It's too hard to deal with - so they just don't.

I'm going back to sleep now.

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