What if you threw a civil war and nobody paid attention until about two and a half years in? It's been an action-packed, changeable week on the Syrian diplomatic front.
First Obama was going to explain to the American public why we needed to bomb right now, right quick, then John Kerry somewhat-sarcastically mentioned that all Assad needed to do to avoid a US strike was to hand over all his chemical weapons. Russia and Syria jumped at the chance to delay an attack, and it turns out the US and Russia had discussed this idea before. Strangely enough, nothing happened until John Kerry's offhand comment to a reporter . . . which opened up the cartoon pandora's box of what else would be possible if more gaffe-centric politicians started mentioning peaceful ideas.
And, in case diplomacy doesn't work, Obama will go to Congress again and ask the American people for the bombing go-ahead. Simple, right? I'm just happy there is a glimmer of diplomatic hope, too bad nothing like this came along before over 100,000 Syrians were killed.
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Ah, good evening, America.
As you know, the Assad regime in Syria, has gone too far.
When Bashar al-Assad unleashed chemical weapons on thousands of his own people, he crossed a bright red line.
Ah, this is unacceptable.
Which is why, at nineteen-hundred hours today, I, as Commander-in-Chief, launched an extensive campaign, code-named, "Operation Accidental Diplomacy."
Now make no mistake, we will still attack if necessary, if I have the support of Congress, and if enough viewers text "sixteen-hundred, star, attack Assad now."
But in the meantime, I have deployed my Secretary of State, John Kerry, who unleashed a barrage of Accidental Diplomacy with an offhand comment saying Assad could give up his chemical weapons, and avert an attack.
At this time, these efforts look promising.
But we will not stop there.
I am unleashing a full frontal assault of Gaffe-plomacy by targeting Syria with . . . Joe Biden, one of America's most advanced accidental diplomats.
With over one-hundred thousand killed in Syria by conventional means, all options must be on the table.
And though some may say it is a step too far, I have entered the launch codes for a first-strike, of Dan Quayle Diplomacy.
If an offhand comment can lead to a diplomatic solution, we must use all means in our arsenal.
Now, these options may not be perfect, and there will be difficulties, but, as Americans, it's the best we've got.
And if Accidental Diplomacy does not work, remember, you can all come together, text "sixteen-hundred, star, attack Assad now," and I will hear your call.
Good night, and God bless America.