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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
From our overflowing fountain of knowledge: The 1700s...
At local taverns and pubs people drank from pint- and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your Ps and Qs."
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."
Ye Olde Cheers and Jeers starts in the Extended Copy section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, December 2, 2004
By the Numbers:
Days `til Hanukkah: 6
Days `til Christmas: 23
Ratio of Democratic to Republican college professors in the U.S.: 7 to 1
(Source: New York Times)
Amount of money Bill & Melinda Gates donated to charity between 2000-2004: $10.1 Billion
(Source: Businessweek)
Number of British troops now allowed to travel the stretch of road between Baghdad and Baghdad International Airport: 0
Time each Cheers and Jeers column takes off your life: 3½ minutes (more if your computer explodes while you're reading it)
Your Puppy Pic of the Day
World's Worst Hunting Dog indeed: http://www.butlerwebs.com/hunting/images/racconwithdog.jpg
CHEERS to the wind beneath C&J's wings. Happy 42nd Birthday to Michael, my partner of 11½ years (and, oh, how that pisses off the religious right). He shares it with Britney Spears (23), Cathy Lee Crosby (60) and Stone Phillips (50). And they won't get back from the bars until the wee hours. [Sigh] They never do.
CHEERS to fond farewells. Tom Brokaw--who always sounded like his sinuses were as stuffed as Dennis Hastert's ass in a thong---anchored his last NBC Nightly News last night: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=797&e=1&u=/eo/20041201/en_tv_eo/15445. After seeing replacement Brian Williams snark it up on `The Daily Show' last night, we deem the anchor desk to be in good hands.
JEERS to curling up in the comforting warmth of Bush's butt. A United Church of Christ ad promoting diversity and acceptance is nixed by NBC and CBS because it's too controversial (CBS's excuse: Bush wants a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, so, hey, what can we do?). It's official, kids: We are one mean motherfuckin' country right now.
CHEERS to 401ks. The Dow closes up 162 points because of...what, exactly? We don't care. Just keep it goin'.
JEERS to incarcerating Inga. Government lawyers yesterday told a federal judge that, yes, the U.S. military can hold foreigners indefinitely as enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay, even if they aided terrorists unintentionally and never fought against the United States. Asked if that would apply to a "little old lady in Switzerland" who sent a check to an orphanage in Afghanistan, Deputy Associate Dickhead Brian Boyle said: "She could." So it's official...this is the new face of terrorism: http://www.magicmakers.com/internet%20jpg%20S/swiss%20miss.jpg
CHEERS to the clean streams and fresh air. On this date in 1970 the Environmental Protection Agency began operating (yes, folks...under the Republican Nixon administration). In a story today on the EPA's current halfhearted attempt to limit mercury emissions, Maine Rep. Tom Allen asks, "Is there no end to the influence that polluters have purchased with their campaign contributions?" Unfortunately, not yet.
CHEERS to guaranteed entry to Heaven. A miserly janitor at the University of Great Falls in Montana died at 102 and left his life savings---$2.3 million---to the school. Says University president Eugene McAllister: "He worked very hard for this, 18- and 20-hour days. And during each of those working hours, he was doing something good for a student he will never meet." C&J pledges to donate all its money to DailyKos when we kick the bucket. But what exactly will $25 be worth 40 years from now??
JEERS to riding the rickety rails. According to a government report, Amtrak's infrastructure is about to jump the tracks. Major bridge and tunnel repairs have been delayed until its finances improve. It currently loses $600 million per year. C&J thinks timing is right to unveil our latest venture: AmeriBurro (upgrade to first class and you get chardonnay and a saddle).
CHEERS to postponing the wedding. Today men and women in their mid-30s are four times less likely to be hitched than they were in the 1970s. http://www.usatoday.com/news/bythenumbers/2004-12-01-never-married_x.htm. Keep this up and Bush may call for an amendment to protect the sanctity of marriage---by arranging them.
JEERS to the entire state of Alabama. John from AmericaBlog says what I felt when I read about the creep who proposes a book censorship plan that would make the Nazis blush: http://americablog.blogspot.com/archives/2004_12_01_americablog_archive.html#110193729983719465. Attention backward third-world countries: Want a new colony for a buck? It's yours if you agree to pay a small fee to have a barge tow it the hell outta here.
JEERS to not supporting our troops. When an American serviceman or woman is killed in Iraq, the family receives a measly "one-time death gratuity" of $12,000 (compare that with families of civilians killed on 9/11 who got an average of $3.1 million each). But Pentagon promises free magnetic car ribbon to any widow who requests one. In triplicate, please.
JEERS to flip-flopping Kossacks. There's a new feature (to us, at least) that lets you `unrecommend' a diary. Our three word response to all C&J readers: FREE ICE CREAM!
CHEERS to our expanding vocabulary. Kossack Desiunion alerted us to this yesterday---"Blog" (pronounced by mainstream media types as they roll their eyes: "Buh-lo-o-o-oguh") is Mirriam-Webster's Word of the Year: http://news.com.com/Blog+top+word+of+the+year/2100-1026_3-5471823.html. Are you paying attention, Time Magazine Man/Woman/Thing of the Year Committee?
JEERS to bilking Grandma. Some Indian casinos now get 50 percent of their money from senior citizens, much of it from their Social Security checks. They even send casino buses to retirement homes so the old folks can ride to their financial doom in air-conditioned comfort. It's enough to make the old practice of sending the elderly away on ice floes look humane.
JEERS to extreme commuting. Nearly 3½ million working Americans endure a daily commute of 90 minutes...one way: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2004-11-29-commute_x.htm. On the bright side, think of all the time you have to think about what you'd rather be doing.
CHEERS to surprising election results. The National Board of Review picked `Finding Neverland' as the best movie of 2004 (Scorcese's `The Aviator was #2): http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=598&e=1&u=/nm/20041201/film_nm/leisure_f
ilms_dc. Jamie Foxx won acting honors for `Ray' and Annette Bening was a surprise winner for `Being Julia Child's Love Slave.' Best director: Michael Mann for `Collateral.' And Cheers for recognizing `Fahrenheit 9/11' as a film that "Reflects Freedom of Expression." But nothing for `Catwoman?' A pox on your awards ceremony!
Cheers and Jeers 6-month Flashback: June 2, 2004...
JEERS to Medicare Prescription Drug Card. C&J just did a dry run through the online signup process and ended up soiling our Depends TM. Atrios posted this chart that renders the program moot---one look and it'll kill our seniors outright: http://mywebpages.comcast.net/atrios/rxchart.jpg. [12/2/update: The link still works...and the graphic is still a must-see snapshot of just how much the Republican party hates senior citizens.]
CHEERS to a woman's right to choose. Federal judge rules that banning late-term abortions---performed almost exclusively to protect the mother's health---are unconstitutional. Bush will cry "Activist Judge!" The rest of us will cry "Common Sense!"
And just one more...
JEERS to The Boot. We hate it. You hate it. Everybody hates it. But no one messes with it once it's on: http://www.spicyhumor.com/pictures/the_law_prevails.jpg. No one.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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