Thanks to my state-of-the-art Bush Decoder Ring®, I was able to cut through the B.S. of today's inaugural address and tell you what he really told American and the world.
So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.
Translation: Iran and Syria, you're next.
My most solemn duty is to protect this nation and its people against further attacks and emerging threats. Some have unwisely chosen to test America's resolve, and have found it firm.
Translation: Iraq war: Got a problem with it?
We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: The moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right.
Translation: You're either with us or against us.
Wait! It gets better...
Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies. The concerted effort of free nations to promote democracy is a prelude to our enemies' defeat.
Translation: It's my way or the highway.
Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon.
Translation: Get out of Iraq? Don't hold your breath.
I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself - and in your days you will add not just to the wealth of our country, but to its character.
Translation: Feel a draft?
And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time.
Translation: We will now proceed to gut those institutions.
Our nation relies on men and women who look after a neighbor and surround the lost with love. Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another, and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth.
Translation: Poor? Out of work? Don't come crying to Uncle Sam.
We have known divisions, which must be healed to move forward in great purposes--and I will strive in good faith to heal them. Yet those divisions do not define America. We felt the unity and fellowship of our nation when freedom came under attack, and our response came like a single hand over a single heart.
Translation: If persuasion fails, I'll use fear. It worked before.
May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America.
Translation: You're on your own, girls and boys.