From the Great State of Missouri, where this year, it's "in like a lamb" (a frozen rack of lamb, that is)
Welcome to Cheers and Jeers. I'm Revel, in for Bill in Portland Maine, who is enjoying a sunny (?), rummy (!) vacation with Michael in Key West (grumble grumble "must be nice" grumble
grumble....it's freakin 8 degree windchill here...but hey, it's SUNNY!!!)
Hold on a sec...HHG left something in this chair...OH! It's a beer! (chug chug chug..BURP) Delicious. Thank you!
Cheers and Jeers Tuesday Potpourri starts (cross your fingers---) in the Extended Entry Section! (SWOOSH!) RIGHTNOW! (GONG) (CLANK....clatter clatter clatter...)
Uh-oh...I think I broke the gong! (As Jon Stewart would say...."awkward!")
When Baldwiny announced we would have "guest hosts" for C&J, I thought, man! How awesome! Sit in the Big Chair! Share some snark!
But what if I don't have any ideas? GASP!
I shouldn't have worried. From the moment my fill-in date was (finally) set (yes PoliSigh, I am lookin' at YOU...grin) the creative department of my brain when into hyperdrive with ideas. Here's the Top 10 that didn't make the cut:
Revel's Rejects for Cheers and Jeers Subtitles:
- "Leather Bustierre" Tuesday
- "What the F--- are you Lookin At?" Tuesday
- "If I Were a Brand of Soap, I Would Be...." Tuesday
- "The Worst Thing I Have Swallowed" Tuesday
- "The Reason I Still Believe in the Easter Bunny" Tuesday
- "My Most Embarrassing Acne Episode" Tuesday
- "I Got Out of the Speeding Ticket, But Not Before I Had to..." Tuesday
- "It Was the Ideal Sexy Dream, Except for..." Tuesday
- "Yoga Positions I Should Have Passed On" Tuesday
and finally
10. "You know when your drinking, right, and having a really good time, and so some idiot says 'Let's do karaoke', and of course, you're so blitzed this actually sounds like a good idea, so you stumble up to the mike, and break into the WORST rendition ever of "I Got Friends in Low Places" Tuesday
I have to admit, I was torn. Just torn.
So I lit the creative candle, and it came to me...Let's do it ALL! In honor of our absent Bill, and our zany regular and irregular irregulars, and in ode to the Classic Jeopardy category, It's Tuesday Potpourri!!!
(Alex Trebek and Jeopardy are in no way responsible for the attempted snark shown above.)
With our musical guests, U2!!!!! (OMIGOD! Bono is so SEXY! and SO LIBERAL!! Swoon!)
(Cue music:)
Uno, Dos, Tres, ...Catorce!!!
"Hello, hello
I'm at a place called Vertigo........"
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 1, 2005
By the Numbers
Days til St Patrick's Day (hiccup):16
Days til Mother Revel turns 79: 24
Days til Camilla and Charles "tie the knot": 38
Days til our celebrity press starts printing break up stories: 37
Percentage of March that is over: 0 percent
Winning bid for a maple desk owned by John F Kennedy and monogrammed with
his initials: $452,800, making it the most expensive item at that auction.
(source: The Feb 28 issue of Time Magazine)
Price I may get at our Neighborhood Garage sale for a pair of old
Video cabinets: $5 if I'm Lucky
Your Puppy Pic of the Day Hold still! It'll be clean as a whistle in no time!
Your Kitty Pic of the Day Protector of the Night and Enemy of Milk Jug Rings....It's SUPER KITTY!
Cheers to history in REAL context! The Age Gauge revolves history around you! (I was 14 at the Bicentennial? No wonder I had such a hard time buying beer!)
Jeers to Phill Kline, He's at it again...Kansas Attorney General Seeks Late Term Abortion Records He only wants to protect the young victims...yes, of course that's all it is.
The rest of that information, he'll just file away for safe keeping......(word has it he was so busy with this he didn't have time to help with that pesky BTK thing....)
Cheers to recognizing that ALL our soldiers are worthy of our respect:
High Cost of Don't Ask, Don't Tell See, rethugs, we can do more than design your In-ugh-ural gowns and do your hair!
Jeers to squirrels in the attic. No, it's not a euphemism for "bats in the belfry". As I have reported previously in C&J, our uninvited houseguest(s) are still scampering around in the attic, and although yours truly has dolled out big bucks for a ladder that won't crack our siding, the weather has not cooperated for Daniel and I to "serve eviction papers" to the squirrel(s) trapped in there. Not that when we get the hole fixed we will have a snowballs chance in hell of getting the stragglers out, (hey, for gay guys, we are pretty butch when it comes to protecting the homefront) but we're gonna give it the old college try. (Damn, I knew I should have finished college).
Jeers to Chimpstain's continued assault on the poor, this time urging state governors to "restructure" Medicaid:
Medicaid Under Fire Hey, here's an idea, Mr Prez-Nut,
(like you would listen) try improving the Health Care System in general...no, that would be putting the cart AFTER the horse, how silly am I?
Cheers to Montana's Dem Gov Brian Schweitzer, working to get us a break on the `scripts-
Lift the Ban! A Free Maple Leaf Masquerade Kit with every purchase!
Jeers to the horror show that doesn't end, Iraq:
Suicide Bomber Kills 125 Sorry, no snark for this, the deadliest attack yet, only sadness.
Cheers to my gal, Maureen Dowd, nailing Bushie for his version of spreading democracy: W's Stiletto Democracy Yeah, Pootie, do as we say, not as we do....
Cheers to "Whaaah? How'd You Get Here?" Kangaroo Mystery
He is fine and healthy, but demanding an apology for "Kangaroo Jack".
And keeping with our friends in the animal kingdom,
Cheers to Ozzie the Skunk. It seems that Dan Infalt had been warned several times about "rough housing" with an animal with fangs, but did he listen? Noooooooooooo. When Ozzie had had enough, he bit Dan in...the twig part of the twig and berries: Ozzie's Revenge At that point, Ashton Kutcher jumped out and yelled "You've Been Skunk'd!"
Cheers to the personal touch. Miller Brewing company is encouraging Cheyenne WY resident Kevin Helvinski to "drink responsibly": Miller Works to Save Kevin So, if you get drunk and toss your cookies in a lounge restroom, a hot Miller Lite Exec will show up at your house? Why do they start all the GOOD programs AFTER I'm married???
Cheers to the Pope. I am no fan of the church's policies, but after seeing some comments in Cheers and Jeers and other diaries, I am reminded that he is also a person, and I wish him well.
Pope's Health Improves
Speaking of good will toward people, Cheers to pastordan's
WYFP diary on Saturday night. Asking what the nicest thing or compliment that was said to you was a wondrous reminder of blessings great and small. And a personal thank you to Kossacks who did not laugh too hard when I guessed WYFP stood for "Who's your favorite person?" (Yes, I know, I know...)
Cheers to Baldwiny, for what I wished I had come up with: WYFP Means... And I want it known that I AM INNOCENT! Bacardi Heist? I never touch the stuff....hic......(Say, do cute Bacardi execs make housecalls...yes, yes, Daniel Daniel Daniel....nevermind!)
Just one More: Cheers to Couples that Blog Together: In the tradition of BiPM and CommonSenseMainer, and Pastordan and Mrs Pastor, you guessed it! Revel's better half, Daniel, has joined up on DailyKos! So when you see Tempest around and about, show him some love and mojo, mmmkay? (I know he's going to be a great asset to Dkos, he is a very talented writer, I say with no bit of prejudice at all....grin)
I want to say thanks to Bill and Baldwiny (huzzahs for organizing the "guest host" list) for the chance to do this. It was exciting, thrilling, nerve wracking, and wonderful, why, it's almost like being in love! LOL! Be sure and check out the Wit and Wisdom of Eddie Haskell who'll
"swing for a grand slam" tomorrow! (Far be it from me to break the baseball analogy chain!) And thanks to each of you who Cheer and Jeer every day. YOU. SO. ROCK.!!!
Floor's open...NO WAIT!
This just in! Weekly World News is reporting that Killer Vampire Poodles are attacking Hollywood. It reports the vicious Nosfera-pups were last spotted at the Oscar ceremonies Sunday Night. (Will those NeoCons stop at NOTHING???) They bared their fangs and wore signboards saying "Snub The Passion, and you Will Pay!" At one point they cornered Barbra Streisand, who in the absence of holy water or a crucifix, held the demon pooches at bay with a 20 minute version of "Papa Can You Hear Me?" until help arrived in the form of garlic from a nearby restaurant.
Ok, ok, I made most of that up. But the Killer Vampire Poodles Attack Hollywood was the real headline. I wasn't actually going to pick up the rag---come on people.....
Now, the Floor is Open. What are YOU Cheering and Jeering about today?