Whether I turn on the TV, my computer, or go to read the paper, I keep running into the words persistent vegetative state. The words are no comfort to me, because I have MS. This is in effect a constant reminder that I'm going to die in much the same way, with my family making the decision to pull me off of a feeding tube. The idea of starving to death isn't pleasant, which is mainly why I've been loath to talk about this subject. But I decided to weigh in with my perspective, as an MS sufferer who could one day be a future vegetable.
I think of the cost it would take to keep my body alive in a nursing home or hospital for even just a few years. I know that there is no hope for me to get better, only progressively more unstable as my immune system completes it's task of destroying my nervous system. I know my family would not be happy to see me at visits, that my days of existence without a mind will be emotionally draining to them just as much as it drains their money to care for me. I have to ask what good is there in protecting my body when my mind has been destroyed from within? As a person who has faith, I know this body is only a "loaner" anyway, and that my death does not end my life, only my life in this mortal husk.
I'm not bitter for my own life expectancy or for the most likely way in which I will die. I'm not even upset at the double whammy of being born with an incurable chronic illness combined with a socially defined mental illness. (The TSMS again) What upsets me is seeing people of faith cling to a husk when they are supposed to believe in a life beyond death. These protester's opinions are not the beliefs of all Christians either, and polls are bearing out the truth, that a majority of self professed Christians feel it is better to remove life support in cases like this. For them to believe otherwise is to openly question their God's plan.
I want to try debunking the idea that because Mrs. Schiavo is Catholic, her rights are being denied by being taken off of life support. Her death is not suicidal, so it is not a violation of her religious freedom if she is unplugged from a machine that feeds her, even if she said to do it years before. She isn't being murdered either; she is dying. She would have died years ago without intervention, and to me, the modern horror of medicine is that they can keep a body running long after the mind has given up the fight.
End of life issues will always be hard, because we want to cling to life, squeezing every last drop from it. But a body living on life support in a bed with no awareness of their surroundings is not really living anymore. If that is my future, then I would ask to be allowed to die.
In my final hours, as I die, I want my family to let go of me without guilt, and without fear. I want them to move on with their lives, not hang around a dead person's bed when they know I'm never going to miraculously get up and announce that I'm cured. I want my family to be compassionate to me, and let me go.
To all the protesters and activists surrounding the Schiavo case on both sides, I am politely requesting that everyone back away from this issue, and let the woman's body die with dignity. Leave her family alone and let them get closure in this bitter chapter of their lives. Because if it were me, I wouldn't want all of you making such a big deal over me when there are more important things to worry about.