Having just seen Sagan's Blue Dot (thanks be to rimjob), and bhlogger's diary about the Republicans and Organized Religion, I guess now is as good a time as any to start.
My mother made an honest effort to raise us Presbyterian, and my father made an honest effort to bring us up Methodist. But very early on, it just didn't "fit" for me.
It took a long time, but I came to hear the voice of the Being with Nine Billion Names. Lately, that faith is being sorely tested.
My favorite expression of the Voice Of God must be the early-morning thunderstorm. I have never heard such a reassuring sound in my life. I enjoy winter, fall is joyfully crispy, summer is lively and warm, but my heart sings when blessed with the song of spring.
That's the emotional response. The reality is that despite lots of listening, singing, praying, (and a good bit of wishing), I did not hear God's voice drectly. All the sermons and Sunday school, and the Bible study, felt like what people would say. If God's word had ever been in there anywhere, it seemed "translated", beyond recognition. While I saw important underlying truths in those lessons, the truths just seemed "available to be understood" by those willing to listen and hear them. The truth was separate from the expressions of religious language, it was simply present for anyone to "grok", just by paying attention to the world.
I survived my parents' divorce, instant transition to life-out-of-control and headlong drive into poverty, by reading. I am forever indebted to Mr. Kossler, a student teacher who read A Wrinkle In Time to my fifth-grade class. That story of commitment and heroism in the face of social disapproval saved my ass. I read every SF book that I could find from then on.
To my young mind, the always brilliant protagonist saving the story through knoweldge, wisdom, or simple bravado was inspiring. Naturally, science, math, engineering were the way to go, and away I went.
There, I found the truth. Math is the bomb: Consistent, predictable, reliable.
Mostly... After getting serious about math, computing, circuits and a smattering of quantum uncertainty, I discovered that Her Largeness The Universe continues to puzzle and amaze us. Bertrand Russel's difficulties and Kurt Godel's Incompleteness theorem show us that it is not possible, ever, to fully understand The Voice.
After that came the magic of computing. For a skinny kid with little on-the-ball socially, this was the way to find a way in this world.
It is Carl Sagan's belief that really brought me to an understanding; before Contact, I rejected all religion, in all contexts. Faith had no place in my world. If a concept is not repeatable through experiment, then it simply does not exist as a trustworthy basis for understanding. Eleanor Arroway's faith brought me to a whole new level of understanding. Beginning then, I could see others' faith as having value, at least for them.
It is possible to believe in something. I still don't have a "personal relationship with God" the way most members of my family do, I do have what I need most of all: I believe deeply and firmly that God, Allah, The One with Nine Billion Names, is accessible to all who would listen. (Remembering Joseph Campbell...) It seems that essentially all religions include some meditative practice, of listening to the voice of genuine reality. That's equally true (in my opinion) for those who listen to the music of the spheres.
The world works consistently; the universe doesn't need me to believe in her; if I am wise and patient and listen very carefully, the universe will share her secrets. She is quite conservative, and doesn't yield her secrets easily. But the voice is there. Oh, and by the way, she needs nobody to speak for her. When someone claims to speak for God, I listen respectfully (initially). But God Help Him (usually it's a him) when he starts lying, denying the true democratic voice of reality to feed his ego, or enrich his cronies, or spew hatred.
That's where my faith is being tested. Where are the listeners? Why are these liars not being called to task? How are the "faithful" (quoted here, because I cannot find their faith in their narrow speech) not hearing the words of their own savior?
And that brings me back to the Voice. Anyone willing to listen, can hear the Voice. Deep, gentle (at first), firm (this could be a good one), right-here-crackly-loud (I'm listening, and thankyouthankyouthankyou), and moving on, offering a drink to the land. We are little specks on a little blue dot, in a little cloud in a really big universe. And, thankfully, our God is a great God who speaks The Truth to all who are willing to listen.