So I've followed, but not really participated, in much of the recent sexism discussion here. I want to sincerely thank those who have retold their personal experiences - you've done much to provide perspective and background to those of us who have not been through what you describe. I also want to acknowledge the reality of these issues, and preemptively clarify that the purpose of my diary is neither to marginalize them nor otherwise dismiss them. That said, I do believe that some of the arguments being shot back and forth are neither valid nor constructive, and would like to take a brief moment to disassemble them. Follow me below the break...
One of the common themes in almost all of these discussions is statistics. Typically, someone quotes the statistics of female rape/abuse, which is then inevitably responded to with statistics of male rape/abuse, which is then followed by a prolonged conversation about how underreported all these statistics are, whether it's male-on-male or female-on-male, and so forth. These statistics, while shocking, end up being used as ammunition in a tit-for-tat battle of the genders. And this is truly a pity, and an insult to those who actually have suffered abuse, regardless of their gender or the gender of their abuser. The bottom line is that abuse is wrong.
Which really brings me to my last "S", and that is seeing. Another typical comment I see in these discussions is someone being accused of lacking the capacity to really see or understand the issues. Really, this is a common rhetorical device in any sort of argument, and a very counterproductive one. The tricky facet in this situation is that there may actually be some truth to it: it is extremely difficult for the non-abused to empathize with and understand the abused. But that doesn't make it productive to trumpet this fact about and use it as a tool to bludgeon someone's arguments with. If someone lacks perspective with which to understand the situation, then help them understand through positive explanation.
The beauty of the internet is that we are all truly equal here. We are our words and our thoughts, no more and no less, and as such issues of race, gender, and so forth become in a sense irrelevant. They can and should be discussed, certainly, as they are still highly pertinent in the "real world", but here in the internet we should treat each other with respect regardless of our background. I have seen far too many comments of males dismissing females as rabid men-haters or females dismissing males as being incapable of understanding. And again, while there may be some nuggets of truth to these assertions (perhaps some females overly stereotype men, and perhaps some men do not understand females), that does not make them constructive. They are, at best, "ad hominem" - "to the man" (yes ironic), where one attempts to discredit an argument by belittling the arguer.
So, please continue discussing the greater issues. They are important, both to progressive causes and the world in general. Please keep providing personal experiences, and use reasoning to work through the very real problems we are facing. Vent, debate, laugh, cry, even engage in a bit of snark. But in doing so, do not make assumptions about those you are engaging in this dialogue with. Simply provide your own assertions to the best of your ability, and let others respond, then repeat as desired. Don't end your post by saying others will not be able to understand you - doing so is dismissive and will instantly turn off your audience. You might find yourself surprised by the capacity of people to understand, even if they haven't been through similar experiences. And don't use statistics as a weapon, turning this very real issue into a battle-of-the-numbers. While they are certainly very real and very scary, the bottom line is always that abuse is wrong, regardless of the abuser or victim, or even the frequency of the abuse (that is, once is already too much).
If we all give each other the benefit of the doubt, I think that the discussion will be much more courteous and productive. Thank you for reading.