Hey dads, worried your son might be gay? Think he might be a little too effeminate? Don't worry, because American Taliban Grand Master
Dr. James Dobson is here to the rescue.
First of all, look for these signs.
Evidences of gender confusion or doubt in boys ages 5 to 11 may include:
- A strong feeling that they are "different" from other boys.
- A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.
- A persistent preference to play female roles in make-believe play.
- A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.
- A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease them unmercifully and call them "queer," "fag" and "gay."
- A tendency to walk, talk, dress and even "think" effeminately.
- A repeatedly stated desire to be -- or insistence that he is -- a girl.
Follow these instructions and your boy will become the "MAN" you want him to be.
1. Don't worry about the occasional cross-gender behavior of your preschool child.
- Become concerned if you see evidences of gender confusion or doubt in your child from ages 5 to 11. "[T]here is a high correlation between feminine behavior in boyhood and adult homosexuality."
- Recognize that most homosexuals "were not explicitly [so] when they were children. More often, they displayed a `nonmasculinity' that set them painfully apart from other boys: unathletic -- somewhat passive, unaggressive and uninterested in rough-and-tumble play. A number of them had traits that could be considered gifts: bright, precocious, social and relational, and artistically talented." Tip: Discern whether your boy struggles with feelings of "not belonging." If he does, seek help.
- The father plays an essential role in a boy's normal development as a man. "The truth is, Dad is more important than Mom. Mothers make boys. Fathers make men.... Girls can continue to grow in their identification with their mothers. On the other hand, a boy has an additional developmental task -- to disidentify from his mother and identify with his father."
This starts about 18 months of age. The father needs to be there physically and emotionally to affirm his son's maleness for the remainder of the preschool years (and beyond, especially during puberty).
"A boy needs to see his father as confident, self-assured and decisive. He also needs him to be supportive, sensitive and caring. Mother needs to back off a bit. What I mean is, don't smother him." Tip: Single mothers may need to recruit a trustworthy male role model.
- "The late Irving Bieber, a prominent researcher, observed that prehomosexual boys are sometimes the victims of their parents' unhappy marital relationship. In a scenario where Mom and Dad are battling, one way Dad can `get even' with Mom is by emotionally abandoning their son." Give your boy what he needs -- and get marital help.
- Psychologist Robert Stoller said, "Masculinity is an achievement." In other words, "growing up straight isn't something that happens. It requires good parenting. It requires societal support. And it takes time."
- "Once mothers and fathers recognize the problems their children face, agree to work together to help resolve them, and seek the guidance and expertise of a psychologist who believes change is possible, there is great hope."
I saved his most important advice for last.
Meanwhile, the boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.
Ok, seriously. Rough and tumble games? Isn't that what the guy in Florida was doing when he killed his son keeping him from "turning gay"? And the penis? I think we have enough priests taking care of that.