I can't go. I can't get out of a motion hearing on Friday so I can't go. And I LOVE VEGAS!!!!! AND DKOS!!!!! But I can't go.
So, as a service to all Kossacks that can, I've decided to give you some real survival tips on enjoying Vegas when you're not listening to panels and changing the world (and even saviors have to eat and play).
Now I've got to say that this is not the "Vegas on $10 a day" guide. This makes some assumptions. One, that you're staying either at the Riv or at another casino/hotel (and if you're not, why not dammit. It's Vegas). Two, that you're not totally broke. I don't mean that you're rich, just that you're not giving your blood to bloodbanks to survive. Three, that you're not averse to handling Vegas on its terms, i.e. that you can act like a player even if you're not. With that in mind, here we go.
Ok you've just checked in at the Riv or at your hotel and you think that the first thing you have to do is go downstairs to register for the convention. WRONG!!!!! The first thing that you do, once you get settled in, is to go downstairs to the casino and find out where the Player's Club Desk is. You are then going to join the Player's Club. What? You say you're not going to gamble? That's ok. Join anyway. And right after you sign up, tell the nice person who signed you up that you're staying in the hotel, so could you have a line pass. What is a line pass? Well its a little card that you get for as long as you stay that lets you, as a member of the Players Club, and up to 3 guests ( be sure to say there are 4 of you) cut the line for the hotel's buffet. Now in the Riv, the breakfast buffet is 9.99 so do NOT tell me that you're going to go out for breakfast. You do NOT want to walk in 85 degree heat at 7 am or wait for your car (if you have one, which I never do) to be brought up, before you have your coffee. With this handy-dandy little card you can go to the "special guests" line and walk your ass right into the buffet while those who sniffed at you for joining the Club are waiting for 45 minutes. Be sure to wave at them when you're seated.
Now, after you've joined the player's club and checked in at Yearly Kos, eventually you're going to go back to your room. You will see a minibar and you will be curious. Now, everyone is going to say don't take anything from the minibar. This is true. However i am going to take you one step further and say DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE FRIGGIN MINIBAR. The majority of minibars in Vegas run on a sensor charge which means that, if you pick something up, youve bought it, even if you put it back. So unless you really want that $3 coke DON'T TOUCH IT!!!
What you are going to do, either at check-in at the hotel or when you get to the room, is to get yourself your own refrigerator. Now it may cost you $5 a day (some hotels provide them gratis, esp if you got a baby and you say you need it for formula or breastmilk), but its the best $5 you'll ever invest. Think about at the end of a day of panels and Pelosi and the inevitable drinking that will accompany afterward. You're going to get back and, either then or during the night or in the morning you're going to want something cold. Two cokes from the minibar $6, two out of your $5 frig, free. You do the math.
Now let's suppose that you want to get out of the Rive for a few hours to sightsee. People will tell you vegas is hot but its a dry heat. Guess what, that doesn't matter when its 103+. Go see places in the evening, they're open. And the best free entertainment in Vegas is the Bellagio fountiains. They start at sunset and perform to a different piece of music every 15 minutes til at least midnight.
And now for you players. As far as casinos go, I gotta tell you. I love Steve Wynn. I've always loved Steve Wynn. I wish Steve Wynn was a friend of mine. And no, I'm not Steve Wynn. However, I do patronize his casinos, past and present, and his newest, named Wynn (!) is truly beautiful and within walking distance of the Riv. You should go just to see the curved escalator that goes down to the manmade lake. Right next to Wynn is the Venetian, which, even if you're not a player, has the best shopping arcade, complete with canal and gondolas and changing sky ceiling, on the Strip.
One more final tip for you women and gay men attending and staying at the Riv. One of the shows there is a male strip show, that the auditions for were a reality show last summer. I don't know the name of the show but, if you're gonna be nasty, well...
As for you straight men, I wish I could give you the name of a good strip show but, well hell, I'm as gay as a goose, I don't know any.
So listen folks. Have fun. Learn lots. Be safe. I am so sorry (for SOOOOOOOOOO many reasons) that I can't join you.
I will tho, be on here for another hour or so, if you have any questions. Think of me and remember...just cause your purpose there is to win big in November, doesn't mean you can't win big now. I shall be thinking of you all.