OK, everybody, sneak those trailers over against the side of Bill's Big Top. Jury-rig the power. We need lights here. Get everyone awake and ready for action. Look sharp, lots of people will be stopping by because they think this is where the action is, let's get 'em before they realize we're just skimming off of Bill's fame. My microphone, where's my Microphone
whoops, guess it was on already. OK. Places, everyone
Welcome, folks, welcome to mecki's fabulous sideshow, right here next to Bill's Big Top <sotto voce> not affiliated in any way with Bill, Portland, Maine, Michael or Molly</sotto voce> Roll up and see what we've got for you! We've got a world of freaks, a universe of geeks. Borrow and spend policies writ small! And so much more: See! Pastors who use God as their engineer! See! The high nine in a greenhouse! We even have a brace of real reporters! You can see them all in just a moment, they're all eager to display their deformities for your pleasure and amusement. Roll up!
...and all for just a quarter of a dollar, and a click on the 'there's more' link!
Welcome, welcome, to the show of a lifetime. Well, the sideshow of a lifetime. Cluster 'round, don't be shy, none of our exhibits bite. Well, maybe the supremes, but they're all a bit old and slow, so just keep your hands and feet away. Let's get right to it, shall we?
We start with these perfumed princes on the chaise lounge behind me, where you can see the fabulous sleeping pundits. What they don't know will certainly hurt them - or at least put them out of business. See them rub their eyes as they behold this strange, new world of these things called...what was it again? Web logs? Buhhh logs? Bogs? Well, they've been ignoring them long enough, now it's time to denigrate them. See them take out their gold pencils and IBM selectrics and try. And watch them fail.
And over here, see what happens when you separate church and state, and a pastor decides unilaterally that his new church doesn't need to be built according to local building codes. Trusting in God turns out to be a poor replacement for real calculations. Fortunately, the place collapsed while nobody was inside.
And behind this curtain, stand tall the high nine, who are ready to decide whether the Bush administration 'plan' on curbing greenhouse gases is acceptable or not. Will they side with the Bushies, or with the states who want to reduce CO2 emissions on their own? Step right up, and sneak a peek. Just no looking under their robes, who knows what horrors lurk beneath.
But we have more! We've got a pill-popping, forehead-vein popping talk-radio shouter! Yes, Rush, c'mon out and show us the form that'll put you in jail Just don't show us the form that kept you out of Vietnam.
And, doing his best mushroom impersonation, it's the resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW: George Bush himself. He's kept in the dark, and fed bullshit. Or not fed at all, as DHS showed when they didn't brief him on the cutting of homeland security grants to NYC and DC.
You'll have to see this one to believe it! A politician so enamored with the Bush admin's borrow and spend politics, that he's trying this at home! How long will DeLay be able to keep up spending almost three times what he takes in? Peek into his home in Northern <strike>California</strike> Virginia and see what happens!
But there's more in that vein, as we also have the hotelier who charged $232,000 to put up nonexistent Katrina refugees. And how's this related? Why, he's from Sugar Land Texas! No wonder DeLay had such an easy time being re-elected there.
Finally, we've got something really special for you today. It's a couple of days old, but that's OK, it'll still knock your socks off. We have here a reporter who actually calls a spade a spade, and a liar a liar. It's even more amazing when you notice that the liar is...a Republican! Yes, Jim Dwyer calls out Tom Kean jr for lying about NJ-Sen opponent Robert Menendez's past. Menendez was indeed involved with convicted political boss William Musto. But, instead of being on the take as Kean trumpeted at a press conference, Menendez was the one who helped nail Musto and send him to jail. And Dwyer says that Kean is wrong, right in the headline, not waiting for the 3rd paragraph from the end to make his point. Mr. Dwyer, come on out and take a bow. We've all been waiting to see this kind of straight talk. And we hope you keep it up as this race gets dirtier and dirtier. Applause, people, applause.
Amazingly enough, we've got two of these rare and endangered individuals today. Bill Blakemore of ABC has the ability to write about global warming without once mentioning that there is a 'controversy' about it. Instead, he flatly states that there is no controversy, he writes that the president is wrong, he writes...the truth. Another round of applause for another truth-telling reporter!
And standing right in front of you, folks, it's one of those shifty individuals you've always heard about, someone who people speak about in hushed tones after the lights have dimmed. It's a real, honest-to-god diary whore.
Thanks for coming, folks, thanks for your support, and now you can all head on over to Bill's three-ring extravaganza what's that you say? It's not open today? Uhhh...head on down into the comments and make your own extravaganza!