Life can be hard, sometimes. Especially right now, when hatred, fear, and death are so fashionable. Just remember, a frown turned upside down is an upside down frown.
Gosh darn it, you've just got to think positive. Even if the radiation from all the dirty bombs has mutated your children into hideous monsters. Hey, two heads mean twice the kisses, right?
Here's a more positive look at some issues of the day:
Global Warming
Worried about global warming? Well, cheer up! Here's some positive aspects to the earth becoming 20° warmer.
* Your swimming pool becomes a hot tub.
* Who needs a griddle? Just use the sidewalk in front of your house.
* North Pole is now a tropical vacation destination... and the penguins are already dressed for the occasion.
* Compared to global warming, nuclear winter will be great!
More cheerfulness below the fold.
Nuclear Bomb
What if the big one comes and our nation is thrown into chaos? Well, hey, start stocking up on that aloe-vera toilet paper now.
* Now's your chance to develop those superhero powers you always wanted. All you have to do is find a radioactive spider.
* You can catch up on all that reading... if you hadn't broken your glasses, that is.
* No need for nightlights! Just follow that eerie greenish glow...
* Wait until the nation reverts into savagery, then control a tribe of Australian bondage bandits through technomancy and petroleum products.
I'm going to continue thinking about how our current slide into chaos and anarchy will help our nation in the long run. I'm sure it will keep me from thinking about the more important issues, like gay marriage and keeping the American flag safe from being burnt.