I'm Emily Litella, and I am here to warn you about the latest
terrier alert and to let you know why you must vote for Republicans this November.
There is a terrier organization called
Al-Canine. Their members want to hijack airplanes. Fortunately, the terriers are not very smart. They are so obvious that they even named this one a
Skye terrier!
Scotland Yard has located terrier cells all over the United Kingdom. They have found English terriers, Scottish terriers, Welsh terriers, and Irish terriers.
They found the scoundrels in cities like Yorkshire, Bedlington, Manchester, and Norfolk.
There were even a couple from some place named Cairn.
Those evil-doers even have their own
research network!! I don't know where that is, but I bet there are a lot of Cairnese.......Cairners......Cairnians who are breathing a lot easier tonight!
And it's not only the U.K.! They have found Tibet terriers and a cabal of Australian terriers too!
Don't think that we are safe because we are in the United States. Terrier cells have been crossing over from Mexico unchecked. The INS and Homeland Security call them Border Terriers.
They're sneaky! I would have thought they would look more like this:
Homeland Security tells us that we cannot be careful enough. There are some terriers who are so bold that they use their real names! This neer-do-well is Jack Russell.
However, don't be fooled! Keep an eye on those so-called normal-appearing neighbors of yours!
The Democrats cannot keep you safe! Need proof? Well, look at this: Boston terriers!!
I hear that they are being led by this guy, Kerry
Blue.
That bastion of those darned liberals, Massachusetts, is not the only place where terriers have gathered to overturn our American values. In San Francisco, Dandie Dinmont terriers
are congregating. With a name like Dandie Dinmont, they have to be
gay! It's just a matter of time before they demand the right to be married!
Maybe some of you think that I'm crazy.
Crazy like a fox terrier,
This is an outrage! We ought to, to, to......
Excuse me...what's that, Jane?
...terrorist alert, not terrier alert? Not dogs? People who want to blow up planes? Well, that doesn't sound good!
........
Nevermind!!