Hello and welcome to Rumsfeld's Reviews!
Am I your host Donald Rumsfeld?
YES!
Shall we get started with the show?
YES!
Our first movie is Snakes on a Plane?
Now I know what you're first question is going to be...
Are there snakes in this film?
YES!
Is there a plane in this film?
YES!
Are the snakes actually ON the plane in this film?
YES!
Is Samuel L. Jackson in this film?
YES.
Is Julianna Marguiles in this film?
YES!
Anybody else here that you would recognize besides the
fat guy from Fat Albert?
NO!
Was that due probably to having such a large cast and a limited budget?
YES!
Should the filmakers have been concerned about going over budget?
NO! (You spend whatever you have to, Good Gracious Almighty!)
Are there about two thousand disaster/horror/action movie cliches in this movie?
YES!
Do these cliches feel like an old friend like that that great old patchwork quilt that grandma made for you back when you were just a toussled-head little rugrat?
YES!
Does the Stewardess at some point say "does anyone here know how to fly a plane?"
YES!
Is there a diabolical villain who cracks wise while --torturing-- retrieving information from a guy?
YES!
Are the two scamps having loud, nasty, sex in the washroom bathroom while smoking the Devil's Ganja the first to die?
YES!
Is there product placement Galore?
YES! (Personal Note: look into buying armor plated helmets for troops , if, IF we can get Valvoline as a sponsor.)
Do the snakes bite people on every anatomical body part imaginable?
YES!
Do a couple of adorable pooties bite the dust in this film?
YES! (Personal Note: When I ask Dickie to go see this with me, use this part as a selling point)
Is this movie quite possibly the most ridiculous-check-your
brain-at-the-door movie you have ever seen in your life?
YES!
Worth Seeing?
YES!
Worth Seeing with a huge crowd?
YES!
Is this THE hands-down Thrill Ride Of The Summer??
YES.
Is this a superb mix of campy thrills, spoof and horror like a lot of denizens of the net have been hoping it would be??
Well, No, it's pretty much played straight with no unintentional laughs -- but Good Golly Miss Molly, you go to the theater with the muthaphuckin' movies you HAVE, not the muthaphuckin' movies you would LIKE to see!