DEMOCRATS DIVIDED OVER CHECK.
Democrats Divided Over Check: Tip Issue Shows Democrats Stumbling Badly Before Taking Power
A.P. -- John Solomon
Saturday, November 18th, 2:19pm.
The news spread through Washington like wildfire. Some are calling it the scandal of the decade. During a power dinner at noted hot-spot Morton's Steakhouse in Washington, incoming Democratic Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi got into a dispute with John Murtha over how much of a tip they should leave for their service.
Witnesses were shocked as Pelosi laughingly asked Murtha if "they should go over 20%." Murtha reportedly had a good laugh as well, and offered only an 18% tip. Pelosi, showing an aggressive and shrewish attitude that may cause her trouble in her new leadership position, offered to add in "a little extra" to Murtha's tip to bring it back up to 20%.
Witnesses said Murtha agreed and laughingly gave Pelosi a hug.
"I couldn't believe it," said a random witness to the event who is in no way affiliated with the republican party, Geoff Gannen. "If Pelosi thinks she can run Washington with as much controversy as paying her tab, then we're in for years of gridlock and dysfunction." Gannen was sitting at a neighboring table with his purely platonic "friends," Marc Folley, Todd Haggert and Kane Mallmen. All claimed to be "independent voters who used to vote for the democratic party but will no longer do so now that they hate America." The four were then spotted climbing into a limo together for an all night road trip to the Castro district.
The Pelosi "tip issue," what objective and non-partisan journalists at CNN, FoxNews and MSNBC are now calling "TipGate" could haunt Pelosi for the next two years of her administration.
"Clearly democrats are divided over basic issues like how much to tip" said another independent witness to the event, Glenn Beckman. "I'm not affiliated with any political organization," Beckman continued, "but the democrats are divided and republicans are united, and if we learned anything from the last election, it's that America is predominately a republican country. Republicans really won that election."
Beckman then asked if anyone knew if FoxNews was hiring.
When confronted about the raging TipGate controversy, Pelosi had this to say: "Are you serious?" She then laughed and walked away.
When contacted at his office, John Murtha said "You frauds really need to stop suckling at the Murdoch teat and get some integrity."
Early word is Fox News will be preempting all coverage of the Iraq War for the next six months to discuss whether "TipGate" is enough of a scandal to end the democratic reign of Washington, now in it's second week. "This is a matter of vital national importance," said Fox News chief of programming Roger Ailes. "The American people deserve to know why John Murtha only tips 18% and Nancy Pelosi feels she can simply add to his tip to bring it back up to 20%. Why, that means Nancy Pelosi tipped like 22%! This scandal will stain Washington forever."
Ailes was then seen signing a contract with Satan and disappearing in a puff of smoke.