We've all discussed ways of getting this President under control from to censure to impeachment. After reading the diary Bush;'I'm "Trainable," The Decision-maker' on Iraq Troop Levels, I thought wouldn't it be nice if we could call in some outside professional help?
How do we get this President under control? I think I have the answer below.
Nancy Pelosi Calls The Dog Whisperer
Cesar: So tell me what are the problems you are having with the President?
Pelosi: Well, he's just... out of control. I mean, he never listens to Congress, and he pretty much ruins the country.
Cesar: So the President needs to learn that he's not the most important person in America.
Bush: You can stop talkin' behind my back; I'm right here, beaner, heh heh.
Cesar: See I'm not looking at the President, I'm not acknowledging the President, I'm just letting the President know I'm not interested in him.
Bush: Not interested im me, heh heh?
Cesar: See the President thinks the world revolves around him, because it does. Because everything he does gets a response from America.
Bush: Yeah, well I don't see why-
Cesar: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst.
Bush: Heh!
Cesar: Don't look at the President; just keep looking at me. Let, let him know we are having a conversation
Bush: Nancy, this guy doesn't-
Cesar: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst.
Bush: Heh! Quit it!
Pelosi: What what is it that you're doing?
Cesar: Dogs show their dominance by nipping each other on the neck, but it works equally well on a president. I just use two fingers, nip at the President's neck, doesn't hurt the President, just let him know I am dominant.
Bush: Look, Mexican, if you really think that you can-
Cesar: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst.
Bush: KNOCK IT OFF!
Cesar: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst. See, I'm not validating his bad behavior with either negative or positive response.
Pelosi: Oh, that's very interesting.
Cesar: I think the first thing we need to work on is getting the President some exercise. He's belligerent and he has all this pent-up energy that-
Bush: I'm not be-belligererent!
Cesar: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst. -we need to let him burn off. Do you take walks with your President?
Pelosi: Well, no, I don't.
[Outside. Cesar and Pelosi are walking along, with Cesar holding Bush on a leash and harness]
Bush: Heh heh! You think this is funny, you sonofabitch?
Cesar: See once again, I am the one going for a walk. It's about me, the President is lucky to come along.
Bush: Nancy, this is degrading!
Cesar: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst.
Bush: Agh! Goddamnit! Aaarrgh! [begins to strain the leash, but can't get loose. He struggles to escape]
Cesar: Don't look at him, just look straight ahead and he'll run out of energy soon. [Bush tries to get loose from the leash, but Cesar reins him back every time. Bush starts getting tired.]
Bush: Naaancy. Nannn. [getting hoarse] Nannn.
Cesar: Here, why don't you try it now. Take your President. [Pelosi takes the leash and Bush goes to her left side]
Bush: Nancy, seriously, people are seeing me, heh heh!
Cesar: Good. Just keep your confidence, shoulders back, eyes straight ahead. The Preident can pick up on that confidence, learning he's supposed to follow you, not lead you.
Bush: Nancy, don't you love me? Can't you see I'm unhappy right now?
Pelosi: [pinches him on the neck] Tsst. [Cesar is pleased]
Bush: Nancy!
Cesar: Good, Ms. Pelosi. Very good!
I do believe those techniques would work on President Bush, but I'm not sure what techniques would work on Cheney.