Before I announce the winner, a few introductory remarks are in order. I must say the margin between the winner and the nearest runner-up was absolutely colossal, an overwhelming landslide. Most of the contenders received only 6% of the vote. This was something I had not expected, but that's quite alright.
Our second-place runners-up, who garnered 12% of the vote with 10 votes total, are Senators Joe Lieberman and Mitch McConnell, for voting to block debate Saturday. Their commitment to continued death, destruction and despair is such that they are hereby consigned to share the doghouse with the winner of the award until the rotting bird falls off.
Our champion, who garnered fully 35% of the vote, with 29 votes, the recipient and honorary chicken-thieving hound-dog of the Molly Ivins Memorial Chicken Award is...
The true patriot who has done more to shred the Constitution than anyone else in the Bush Administration;
Who has lovingly nurtured and coddled the theory of the unitary executive and held it close to his cold, dead heart, thus betraying the second branch of government to which he was once elected;
Who has funneled lucrative contracts to his old company thus facilitating the rape of Iraq and encouraging the psychotic dream of a war with Iran;
Whose monomaniacal focus on chasing terrorists has impelled the Bush Administration to burn every friend and ally we have by browbeating, bullying and siccing his minions upon them;
A man who, with sophistication, class, and old-fashioned Wild West charm, cordially invited a Senator to perform an anatomically impossible act;
A man whose feminist sympathies and sense of fair play impelled him to hasten the retirement of a covert CIA agent, la belle Valerie Plame;
A man whose courage is such that, true to his anti-flower-child Vietnam-era form, has had him secreted away in a luxurious bunker at some scenic, undisclosed location;
Ladies and gentlemen, with no further ado, I give you the one, the only...
Vice President Dick Cheney, Mr. Shadow Government himself!
Wear that dead chicken with pride!!!!
Photoshopped image courtesy of One Pissed Off Liberal, who explicitly gave me full permission to use this image file. Merci beaucoup, mon frere!