Having a straight guy in the house over the past five years has been like having a window into a world that I'm not particularly comfortable with. It's one thing when it's just us, or when we're hanging out with gay or female or gay-and-female friends, but put my husband on X-Box Live or an internet chatroom with other guys and he starts using the strangest things as insults.
"That's so gay."
"Do you have sand in your vagina?"
"Go suck a cock."
"Don't get your panties in a twist."
And, of course, the Coulteresque "Fag!"
This is usually the point where I commit spousal abuse and smack him upside the head.
Guys, I'm not sure if you realize this, but it's fucking insulting to sit around and hear this stuff. What I'm hearing is this: the worst insult you can trot out on a guy is to call him feminine, either by indicating that he's gay, or indicating that he is a girl. What I'm hearing is that sure, some of your best friends are gay, some of your best friends are female, but you still wouldn't want to be either one. What I'm hearing is that you consider both homosexuals and females to be second-class citizens. What I'm hearing is that you're so comfortable with using these words as insults that you'll do so in front of me, like somehow I'm immune to it.
Classy. Particularly coming from guys who wouldn't in a million years use racial epithets. Particularly coming from guys that I tend to think of as being on my side-- liberals, Democrats, guys who support marriage equality and pay equality and whom I think I don't have to worry about discriminating against me for my gender, or against my friends for their sexuality. It's worse coming from your friends.
Just in case you're saying "dude, I don't do that", let me give you a few more examples, many of which I've seen around here:
-Indicating a wish that a Republican male (such as, say, George Bush) will get sodomized.
-Indicating that a Republican male likes to indulge in, or watch, gay sex.
-Referring to a close friendship or alliance between Republican males (or, often, a Republican and Joe Lieberman) with indications that they're totally gay for each other.
-Indicating that a Republican female is "mannish" in some way (adam's apple, anyone?).
-Indicating that a Democratic female who is acting against your interests is "mannish" in some way.
-Indicating that a Republican male likes to wear female clothing. (Panties come up a lot. Sometimes, bras.)
-Indicating that a Republican female has male sexual organs.
-Indicating that a Republican male has female sexual organs.
-Referring to a close friendship or alliance between a Republican female and a Republican male by indicating that they're totally fucking each other. (Often this expands to indicate that the Republican female is fucking everyone.)
-Indicating that a Republican female is menstruating or PMSing.
-Indicating that a Republican male is menstruating or PMSing.
-Referring to excess estrogen in a Republican male, or excess testosterone in a Republican female.
-The obvious: saying "that's so gay", calling anyone by a homosexual epithet, etc.
I don't believe I'm having to say this, but there is nothing wrong with being gay, and there's nothing wrong with being female. Jesus Christ, people, we're liberals: we're supposed to be the smart ones. Stop saying these things, and stop letting your friends say these things. End of story.
Edited to add: I have been told that this came off sounding like I wanted to ban certain speech, or become the "thought police" or some such. You're right, folks: I was casting around for a good ending and got lazy. Mea culpa. Let me assure you that you're free to insult whomever you want in whatever way you want.
I have made this point often in the comments below: when you use an insult, you're indicating that you find these things to be bad. I have no problem with calling someone a Nazi or a fascist (except that it's overused), or a bigot, or a stubborn jackass. Calling someone gay, or a girl, or yes, even a guy, in a way that is meant to be an insult-- that says something about the way you look at being gay, or a girl, or a guy. As a rule of thumb, don't use something as an insult unless you really thing that it's an insult to be thought of as that something.
Also, it has been called into question that I used the phrase "Jesus Christ" and have been tossing around my favorite curse words so much. You are right; my feet are made of clay. I hope this does not distract too much from the point I'm trying to make.
Big thanks to nagaer, als10, and particularly expatincebu for keeping me honest and forcing me to clarify my argument.