Frantically I pulled over to the side of the road, got out of the car and vomited. Less than an hour ago I had been excitedly talking, laughing, cheering and learning at the YearlyKos Convention. Walking to the parking garage at the McCormick Place I felt happy and hopeful.
As I turned west out of the parking garage onto Cermack Road it hit me. A pain in my stomach and chest, my breathing became quick and shallow, tears started rolling down my cheeks. By the time I hit Canal Street I was sobbing a deep guttural cry, like when my father had died. I had no idea where the crying spell came from but it was getting worse. Dry heaves...frantically I pulled over to the side of the road, got out of the car and vomited. Leaning against a concrete divider I slowly calmed downed, getting my breathing back to normal, only slow tears.
What the heck was going on, what’s wrong, why was I crying? (I am a woman, but I rarely cry!) The side of the road in Chinatown was not the place to try to figure it out. Clearing my mind I drove home. After washing my face and brushing my teeth I sat down and allowed myself to go back to that moment in the car. Unbelievably the tears started again. I needed to understand why this was happening.
It was my first YearlyKos convention. I am not a blogger and only rarely comment. However I am a avid reader, making daily visits to BuzzFlash, DailyKos, BlogforIowa, etc.....the information, insight, passion and persistence found on sites like these really helps sustain me.
So being at the YearlyKos convention, for me, was like being at a family reunion with beloved long lost cousins whom I had never seen and only received letters from. The energy of the gathering permeated me. Every conversation was like visiting with an old friend. No pretension, no fronts, just passionate, intelligent conversation about what was most important to us. Most important not being our cars, vacation homes, jobs or TV shows...Most important being our hopes and fears and the future of our communities, nation and world. It was a wonderful, fulfilling experience for me.
Perhaps not everyone at the convention felt like this, still this was my experience.
So as I drove away from McCormick Place I guess I was overwhelmed by a deep sorrow; leaving this family that I had finally met in the person, a family I was so at home with, a family where everybody "gets it." Yes it made me sad.
Yet, the more I thought about it, I realized my tears were also a result of deep joy, relief and thankfulness. All of which stemmed from the Hope and Vision that was recharged in me by the people at this event.
Now I was driving back home to my state, my community, my job, my school, my baseball league, my neighborhood.
I wish the place I was going was more like the one I just left..... I imagine like most people at the YearlyKos, I won’t just wish, I will continue to do all I can to make it so.