This diary was co-authored by greenies and twilight falling.
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
~ From the song "Shinedown-45", by Shinedown
Almost every day an IGTNT diary honors those soldiers, Marines, airmen, sailors, and Guardsmen who have fallen in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Department of Defense announces the death of each military person who loses their life in the combat zones. But there is a group of military personnel who have died from injuries sustained in Iraq or Afghanistan and yet are ignored by the DoD.
They took their own lives after returning home.
If they had committed suicide in the war zone, they would have been recognized as casualties of war and reported as such. But because they weren’t physically located in Iraq or Afghanistan when they decided to put an end to pain and suffering that had become unbearable, DoD does not consider them casualties of war, count them in the numbers or recognize their passing in any way...or give us a chance to do so.
Every one of these people served their country honorably. Every one had their psyche damaged horribly while in Iraq or Afghanistan. Every one suffered pain and torment the likes of which most of us, thankfully, will never know or be able to comprehend. All of the suffering was a direct result of their service to their country. And every one left behind loved ones who must somehow find a way to come to terms with their grief, and often their guilt and/or sense of helplessness.
"My nightmares are so intense I woke up one night with my hands round my fiancee's throat," says Lt Julian Goodrum. (BBC News)
They deserve to be honored by their country for that service. Their deaths should not be hidden or treated as shameful—at least, not shameful to the fallen or their families; only shameful to the government that failed to provide the support system and medical care that might have prevented their deaths. They should be mourned the same way that we mourn all other casualties of this war.
"You know, there were many times I've told my wife — in just a state of panic, and just being so upset — that I really wished I just died over there [in Iraq]," he said. "Cause if you just die over there, everyone writes you off as a hero." (Tyler Jennings, Iraq veteran and PTSD sufferer.)
Unfortunately, we are not aware of any central repository that records these deaths. Neither the DoD nor the VA tracks them, according to DKos’ own Ilona Meagher, who is an amazing advocate for those who suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It is very difficult or impossible to find information about most military members who succumb to mental injuries after returning home. Most are laid to rest quietly by their stunned and devastated families. We typically only hear about the ones whose families choose to speak out.
Imagine you witnessed your closest friend being torn apart by enemy fire. Imagine you discover that the person you thought was an insurgent that you killed turns out to be an innocent child, or some one who looks similar to your own mother. (Garett Reppenhagen, Iraq veteran and PTSD sufferer.)
With love and respect, we remember today five of the many American veterans of Iraq or Afghanistan who have died as a result of psychological trauma received during their service to their country. We also hold in the light all the others who have felt compelled to end their unspeakable suffering, many of whose stories have not yet been told. May they all finally find the peace in death that they could no longer find in life, and may their families and friends be granted comfort and strength in their pain. You are not forgotten.
Jonathan Schulze, 25
Died January 11, 2007, of psychological trauma resulting from honorable service to his country as a US Marine in Iraq.
It took two years of hell to convince him, but finally Jonathan Schulze was ready.
On the morning of Jan. 11 [2007], Jonathan, an Iraq war veteran with two Purple Hearts, neatly packed his US Marine Corps duffel bag with his sharply-creased clothes, a framed photo of his new baby girl, and a leather-bound Bible and headed out from the family farm for a 75-mile drive to the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in St. Cloud, Minn.
Family and friends had convinced him at last that the devastating mental wounds he brought home from war, wounds that triggered severe depression, violent outbursts, and eventually an uncontrollable desire to kill himself, could not be drowned in alcohol or treated with the array of anti-anxiety drugs he'd been prescribed.
And so, with his father and stepmother at his side, he confessed to an intake counselor that he was suicidal. He wanted to be admitted to a psychiatric ward.
But, instead, he was told that the clinician who prescreened cases like his was unavailable. Go home and wait for a phone call tomorrow, the counselor said, as Marianne Schulze, his stepmother, describes it.
When a clinical social worker called the next day, Jonathan, 25, told again of his suicidal thoughts and other symptoms. And then, with his stepmother listening in, he learned that he was 26th on the waiting list for one of the 12 beds in the center's ward for post-traumatic stress disorder sufferers.
Four days later, on Jan. 16, he wrapped a household extension cord around his neck, tied it to a beam in the basement, and hanged himself.
~ The Boston Globe
Since Jonathan’s death—and in Jonathan’s memory—new legislation that is designed to help identify and treat mental health problems in members of the armed services has been introduced in the House of Representatives. H.R. 2189, The Sgt. Jonathan Schulze Military Health Services Improvement Act of 2007, "would require pre- and post-deployment mental health screenings for members of the Armed Forces." The bill has 41 cosponsors and has been referred to the House Subcommittee on Military Personnel.
Jonathan’s family has also set up a website to help returning veterans. JschulzeFoundation.org pairs returning veterans with other veterans who serve as their mentors and help them cope with their war experiences and with reintegrating into life at home.
Jonathan is survived by his fianceé, a baby daughter (now probably a little over a year old), a baby that was born after his death (his fianceé was pregnant at the time of his death), his father and stepmother, James and Marianne Schulze, and his older brother, Travis Schulze. You can see his picture here.
Rest in peace, Jonathan Schulze. You fought hard, both on the battlefield and off. May your beautiful spirit finally be at peace, and may your family and friends feel your light and love forever. Semper fi.
Jeffrey Lucey, 23
Died June 22, 2004, of psychological trauma resulting from honorable service to his country as a US Marine in Iraq.
In July 2003 -- after serving in Iraq in a light transport company that his comrades say ferried such cargo as ammunition, food, and Iraqi prisoners of war -- Lucey, tan, thinner, and smiling, arrived by bus at the Marine reservist center in New Haven.
''We felt so good," his father says. ''He survived."
(snip)
Beginning last March, as winter gave way to spring, Jeff seemed increasingly distressed. By mid-May, he was spiraling downward. He heard voices, hallucinated, rarely left his room, drank alone. He pushed his girlfriend away. Seeing these changes, his family hid dog leashes and removed combat knives from their home. They disabled Jeff's car after he crashed theirs. They took him to the Northampton VA Medical Center and the Veterans Center in Springfield. They barely slept.
They had attributed earlier changes they'd noticed to the readjustment period the military told families to expect. ''Julie [his girlfriend] noticed a distance. Sometimes he would get lost in a daze," Kevin says. ''He was drinking, but nothing to where it ended up being, and it wasn't continual."
(snip)
''Something happened to Jeff that had him totally fall apart and be destroyed. What it was I don't know," Kevin says. ''Whatever happened -- whether it was a collection of things, whether he assumed collective guilt -- there is no question his experiences there planted something within him that was almost like a cancer."
(snip)
Yet Jeff resisted suggestions that he seek help. He feared the VA would tell the Marines his problems and worried he'd have trouble getting a job if he was labeled with post-traumatic stress disorder. His drinking worsened. ''We didn't want to take away his 'medicine' until he got help," Kevin says.
Finally, in May, Jeff started seeing a private therapist, who diagnosed him with PTSD.
(snip)
By late May, Jeff had so deteriorated that his family, assured his medical records would be private, took him to the Northampton VA Medical Center. He expressed enough suicidal tendencies -- talking, according to progress notes his family shares, of overdosing or hanging himself -- that he was admitted for three days. He refused to stay longer. ''He felt like he was a prisoner," Kevin says.
Jeff was told, his family says, that the VA couldn't treat the PTSD until he quit drinking, in contrast to what they have since learned from the National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder website (www.ncptsd.org), which recommends treating PTSD and alcohol abuse simultaneously.
(snip)
On June 14, Jeff, sober and crying, sat on the living room floor. ''He said, 'I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I feel like I'm going crazy,' " Kevin recalls. ''We jumped on that. We said, 'Do you want help?' " His mother immediately telephoned the VA and the Veterans Center and told them, ''My son is slowly dying." Jeff called the Veterans Center himself and went to one appointment.
The night before he died, Jeff climbed into his father's lap, and his father held him. ''I really felt awkward, but he was hurting so much," Kevin says. ''I'm so glad I did, because the next time I held him I was getting the hose from around his neck." [Jeff hanged himself with a garden hose in the basement of his parents’ home the next day. His father found him.]
(snip)
By Memorial Day, Jeff's grave will have a tombstone bearing an epitaph from the Shinedown song he listened to again and again: ''What ever happened to the young man's heart/ Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart."
~ The Boston Globe
After Jeff’s death, his parents filed suit against the VA and then-Secretary of Veterans Affairs, James Nicholson, alleging that their failure to treat Jeff caused his death. Their case is still pending.
PBS’ Frontline conducted an in-depth investigation into what happened to Jeff Lucey in Iraq. His parents have written a short tribute to him on Gold Star Families Speak Out.
Jeff is survived by his parents, Kevin and Joyce Lucey, and his younger sister, Debbie Lucey. You can see several pictures of Jeff here.
Rest in peace, Jeffrey Lucey. You fought hard, both on the battlefield and off. May your beautiful spirit finally be at peace, and may your family and friends feel your light and love forever. Semper fi.
Jeremy Seeley, 28
Died January 13, 2004, of psychological trauma resulting from honorable service to his country as a US Army soldier in Iraq.
The Jeremy Seeley who went off to war was a man his grandfather remembers as tender-hearted. When Specialist Seeley returned from Iraq, he could not bring himself to tell his mother he was home, or even to hear her voice, leaving two disjointed messages on her answering machine but no contact number.
On January 13 he walked out of the 101st Airborne base at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, checked into a motel room, and put a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. The police discovered his body four days later, along with containers of household poison. Seeley was 28.
In Canton, North Carolina, his grandfather, Rayburn Seeley, says the soldier's family and friends still have no idea what drove him to his death. He had recently re-enlisted in the army, and was awaiting a plum assignment in Germany.
"There is a chance that they might have caught it, if he had had additional screening," Mr Seeley says. "Maybe this will cause them to see the need that people get more help."
~ The Guardian
Rest in peace, Jeremy Seeley. May your beautiful spirit finally be at peace, and may your family and friends feel your light and love forever.
James Jenkins, 23
Died September 28, 2005, of psychological trauma resulting from honorable service to his country as a US Marine in Iraq.
James Jenkins’ story is a familiar one. One that his sister, Cyntria Hall has been hearing a lot more since her brother took his own life in September 2005. James was a decorated Iraq war veteran. From nj.com:
Jenkins' sister, Cyntrina Hall of Bordentown City, said it's clear to her what happened to her brother. Iraq changed him, she said. It chewed through the brother she knew as a smiling, bubbly practical joker. Jenkins spent 22 months at war, two 11-month tours, and saw unimaginable horror, she says. "We have pictures of him standing over dead bodies," she said.
And when he came home to California this spring, he couldn't deal with mounting mental health issues, Hall said. She believes the Marines did not adequately help her brother.
"He was depressed. He had post-traumatic stress syndrome and we were persistent in trying to get him help," Hall said yesterday. "And (the Marines) did not help him and he took his own life."
According to his sister, by his own count taken from post-combat briefings, James killed 212 people in Iraq. "And he felt 10 of them did not deserve to die."
Jenkins' death and the way he spent his final months had caused double the grief for the Jenkins family, Hall said.
When Hall saw the mugshot police were circulating of her brother, she hardly recognized him.
"His eyes, I didn't know that person," Hall said. "He just looked different, like his spirit was dead.
--snip--
Hall said her brother had no problems when he left New Jersey. He had no police record and was a good kid.
Nottingham High teacher Dave Dempster coached Jenkins in wrestling during his senior year. After not being able to complete prior seasons for various reasons, Jenkins committed himself to having a great senior year, Dempster said.
And he did.
--snip--
Dempster recalled Jenkins with a wide smile. "He was very personable, very likable." He was not a troublemaker, he said.
--snip--
Hall said her brother was sent to Iraq in 2003 during the invasion and came home "different."
Then his unit - Battalion Landing Team 1/4, 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit - was sent to Iraq again.
Several news accounts chronicle the 1/4's actions, especially in Najaf in the summer of 2004. Military records show in one 21-day stretch, eight men in the unit were killed by hostile fire.
After the second tour, in which Hall said her brother was a platoon squad leader and directed 13 men, "He was real different." He came home this spring. "He was suffering from nightmares, and he began to pick up a gambling problem," Hall said.
--snip--
Hall said she found out the Marines had treated her brother for depression, given him medication but then certified him for worldwide duty. They should have hospitalized him and treated him more aggressively, she believes.
"He did so much for his country - 22 months in Iraq - and he couldn't get the help he needed from them," Hall said.
Rest in peace, James Jenkins. May your beautiful spirit finally be at peace, and may your family and friends feel your light and love forever. Semper fi.
Brian Rand, 27
Died February 20, 2007, of psychological trauma resulting from honorable service to his country as a US Army soldier in Iraq.
You can see pictures of Brian Rand in happier times at The War Comes Home blog, a project of KPFA-Radio, written by journalist Aaron Glantz. In September Glantz wrote an extensive article about Brian for IPS news agency
After two tours in Iraq, Brian Rand told his sister April Somdahl: "I can see everything April. It all makes perfect sense now. I know what I have to do and it makes so much sense. I have to die. I have to leave the physical realm and leave earth and go up in heaven and be part of the Army of God and I've got to stop this war and save my guys here. And the best way I can do that is to do it up in heaven 'cause I can't do anything while I'm down here.'"
On February 20, 2007, the Clarksville, Tennessee police department found his body lying facedown under an entertainment pavilion on the banks of the Cumberland River, with a shotgun beside it.
He had served two tours in Iraq. It was during his first one that his sister April learned he was having bad nightmares about dead Iraqis and was very scared. April's job became one of nightly cheerleader and caregiver over the Internet to convince him that he needed to hang in until he came home.
After that first tour he completed a post-deployment health assessment indicating he had a lot of emotional problems, including combat-related nightmares, but the Army deployed him to Iraq for a second tour. This time April only talked to him when he was on the very brink.
When he came home this past January he became prone to violence. He screamed at his stepdaughter and when his pregnant wife Dena confronted him, he hit her. That's when he called April and told her that he had to died. That he needed to be in heaven. She tried to talk him out of it just as she had all those nights while he was in Iraq. But two weeks later they found him dead with a gun beside him.
Rest in peace, Brian Rand. We’re so sorry you didn’t get the help you so deserved. May your fun-loving spirit finally be at peace, and may your family and friends feel your light and love forever.
Where to Turn
If you or someone you know has returned from Iraq or Afghanistan with psychological trauma, you (or they) are not alone! The military now estimates that as many as one in three returning veterans have PTSD; some estimates are much higher. Please don’t despair—there IS help available, and PTSD CAN be overcome. Don’t feel ashamed—PTSD is NOT a sign of weakness—and don’t worry about being stigmatized by the military. Your life is more important than anything else.
Many resources are available to help veterans with PTSD. Just a few of these:
- Ilona Meagher’s wonderful site, http://ptsdcombat.blogspot.com, which contains a huge number of resources for those with PTSD.
- The Iraq War Veterans Organization offers help for veterans and a veritable plethora of resources.
- To help provide support to military personnel who fear recriminations if they seek help for psychological trauma, the military is introducing anonymous, on-line help. Read about it here: http://sfgate.com/...
- http://www.jschulzefoundation.org/: Created by the family of Jonathan Schulze, this site aims to help returning veterans by pairing them with other veterans—ones who understand what the newly returned veterans have experienced—who serve as their mentors and help them cope with their experiences and reintegrating into life at home.
- http://joshua-omvig.memory-of.com/: Created by the aunt of Joshua Omvig, who committed suicide after returning from Iraq, this site contains a veritable plethora of information about PTSD and links to many resources.
Turkana had a diary about rising suicide rates among military members in July; it provides many excellent references. Ilona writes a periodic PTSD Combat News Roundup, and they are an outstanding source of information for veterans with PTSD and their families.
You Can Help
It is not too late to save the lives of countless other soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines, and Guardsmen who have returned, or who will return, from the Middle East with their psyches grievously injured. Please contact your Congressional representatives and urge them to move quickly on HR 2189 and other legislation to make mental health screening and treatment widely available, both to deployed troops and to those who have returned home. We know, both from existing studies on the current troops and from looking back at the experiences of our Vietnam veterans, that a calamity awaits if we do not act soon. Please, take a few minutes to contact your representatives.
About "I Got the News Today" (IGTNT)
I Got the News Today is a diary series intended to honor service members who have died as a result of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan; its title is a reminder that almost every day a military family gets the terrible news about a loved one.
Click here to see the series, which was begun by i dunno, and which is maintained by monkeybiz, Sandy on Signal, silvercedes, noweasels, greenies, blue jersey mom, Chacounne, Wee Mama, MsWings, twilight falling, moneysmith, joyful, roses, and sistwo.
Please bear in mind that these diaries are read by friends and families of the service members chronicled here. May all of our remembrances be full of compassion rather than politics.