So it's do-or-die time for the Democratic candidates. The primaries and caucuses are just over a month away, and before you know it, we'll have officially nominated the next President of the United States. And our nominee had better be a good one because he or she will have a lot of tough issues to deal with.
But who should it be? If you haven't already decided, you'll have to do so very soon. And when you do, you'll probably want to post a diary on dailykos explaining why you're choice is the best one and the others are not. But if you're like me, you're not one of the masterful and prolific diarists we often see on the Rec List here at dkos, so writing a compelling candidate diary might seem a bit daunting. No worries. After the flip, I've set out a few guidelines for writing effective candidate diaries that'll get noticed, generate comments and, most importantly, get people behind your choice for President.
- The first thing you need to realize is that dailykos is a reality-based community. That means, above all, that, when you make an assertion, people here will check your sources to determine for themselves if what you say is accurate. Therefore, I suggest that you don't include any sources in your diary. That way, your credibility remains intact.
- If any candidate who you don't support doesn't immediately deny an accusation, he or she is admitting that the accusation is true. If the candidate later denies the accusation, he or she is a waffler or, worse, a liar. Either way, that candidate is unfit to serve, a point you should make in your diary. (As a supporter, you are authorized to deny any false accusations made against your candidate (and they are all false) so you don’t have to worry about this happening to your candidate.)
- You should highlight the fact that your candidate is the only one who can simultaneously fight to the GOP and unite the country.
- Be sure to visit right-wing web sites often for ideas on how to discredit Democratic candidates who you don't support. Those guys are the experts, and they come up with some really juicy stuff. And feel free to use it without attribution. Trust me, they won't mind.
- As Aristotle explained in his treatise on rhetoric, when you're trying to persuade a skeptical audience, there is no such thing as too much cursing. After all, how the fuck are fucking people supposed to fucking take you seriously if you're not fucking saying "fuck" every other fucking word?
- In the same vein, consider using ALLCAPS and bold generously in order to convey the intensity of the passion you feel for your candidate. These underutilized tools will really make your piece stand out from the crowd.
- Don't forget to mention that the polls all show that your candidate is the most electable. Well, except for the polls that show that another candidate is the most electable. But, you know, those polls aren't reliable. I mean, we're 11 months away from the general election, for God's sakes.
- Particularly in comments, don't be shy about relying on the persuasive power of personal attacks. The following is an dramatization of a scene takes place on dailykos every day:
KOSSACK 1: All of the Democratic candidates have a lot to offer. In the end, I've decided to support Candidate A in the primaries. I really think he (or she) has the experience and vision that this country needs right now.
KOSSACK 2: Why am I not surprised? You're such a MORON! Did you actually look at any of the issues, or did you just choose Candidate A based on superficial appeal? Jesus, why the fuck are you even here? I thought this blog was for REAL LIBERALS who are SERIOUS about politics and the FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY!!!!!! FUCK!!!
KOSSACK 1: I see your point. Thank you. There's no way I'm going to vote for Candidate A now. Please tell me who I should vote for. I really respect your judgment.
If you're first attempt at personal attacks doesn't work, you're attack clearly isn't offensive enough, so ratchet it up a bit. If it still doesn't work, the other person is obviously a paid shill for another candidate. In that case, you should no longer feel any obligation to be nice to that person.
- It is appropriate to criticize other candidates for relying on GOP taking points. By tradition, the GOP gets first dibs on talking points, and the Democrats then take the opposite point of view. That way, they get to do what they want, and we don't have to actually decide what we want. Any Democratic candidate that fails to adhere to this tradition is clearly unfit to be the next President.
- Finally, make clear that your candidate is the only Democrat who you'll support in the general election. What our country needs right now more than anything is for people to maintain their political purity. So if the primary voters don't agree with you on who the Democratic nominee should be in 2008, you should absolutely go your own separate way. Joe Lieberman did it. You can do it too.
Now I know what you're thinking: "Handsome, these suggestions all SOUND good, but will they really work." Well, I can't make any promises. But what I can tell you is that these guidelines were based on an exhaustive survey of candidate diaries that have made the Recommended List in the last few weeks.
So starting writing those candidate diaries folks! Because there is absolutely, without a doubt, nothing better you can do to help the candidate of your choice become the next President of the United States.
Cheers, and good luck.