As promised this is the second part of a three-part diary, (Yes, I did decide to put the discussion of Kentuky's laws to a third part) discussing my family's decision to terminate our third pregnancy.
I would like to thank everyone here for their wonderful support. My wife (who did not read the diary before I published, but did give me permission to publish) also wanted to thank everyone. First, physically, she is very nauseous and is having cramping, but all things considered, she is doing well. I particularly wanted to thank Plutonium Page and poppyseed.
I would also like to thank thankgodforairamerica and Ralphdog for pointing out an error I made in the prevalence of Trisomy 21 over the maternal age of 35. I apologise for my error, although I will say those were the stats I was familiar with. I do have a family history of Down's syndrome (paternal uncle) and familial transmitted Down's is not affected by maternal age. Also with two healthy children it is unlikely that I have a Robertsonian translocation. A definite diagnosis of Trisomy 21 would have added more weight to the equation, but would not have been an automatic decision to terminate.
With that out of the way, Mrs. Madman and myself invite you into our experience yesterday.
In the Commonwealth of Kentucky there is only one clinic that performs abortion, we were lucky because we live less than a mile from its location. The clinic gives an over-the-phone counseling when you make an appointment, and there is a waiting period of at least 24 hours from that before an appointment can be set. Based on the estimated conception date the cost of the procedure was $600! Whew! Luckily, the clinic recommended contacting the National Abortion Federation. They offered a grant of $300, based on income.
There also happens to be a Crisis Pregnancy Center down the street. To honor their privacy I will not identify its location further than that. Due to the proximity of this center (staffed of course by anti-abortion folks) protests can be very vocal. But, we were fairly lucky with this as well. Mrs. Madman was told by staff that there were always some protestors, Saturdays were worse than others, but even though we were scheduled for a Friday, someone was always there.
My wife made me promise to behave myself since, as can be seen from my participation here, I can be very "vocal" about issues that affect me greatly. I'm also something of a wiseguy(bashful grin). I was just waiting for the opportunity to ask "Where does the bible say, in red that this shouldn't be a choice for the woman."
It was an early start to our day. There were no set time appointments, everyone for the day are generally taken as a group. As we walked from our car, we were approached by a young woman.
"Are you going to the clinic?" She asked.
Was it me that went nuclear? Nope, not me, though I was seething inside, I had promised my wife.
"None of your business!" My wife snapped. (Yay, honey!)
"I had an abortion and it isn't what they tell you it is."
I so wanted to turn and tell this woman that I knew to the smallest detail about the procedure and the purpose of the procedure. No, I couldn't experience the roller coaster of bearing life and then feel the emptiness of a womb, could never even imagine how devasted she must be, but that if she didn't butt out of my families life, we were going to have serious issues.
But, I didn't. I promised my wife I'd behave!
Now, I know that I said that I had decided to leave the legal situation in Kentucky until tomorrow, but just a quick word in regards to "buffer zones". Federal FACE legislation merely prohibits the use of intimidation or physical force (ie blockading) in order to prevent a person from entering a facility which provides reproductive healthcare or a place of worship. Kentucky does not appear as any of the states with additional protective statutes, or enhanced FACE.
There were four or five placards of the usual ilk, (Abortion is... Sacred Heart of Jesus, etc.) and two additional folks offering "free" ultrasound and truthful abortion counseling across the street. Now, the fact that it was cold and rainy probably kept the attendance down, but I know they got under the skin of one significant other, as he went back out to debate the merits of the protestors position.
The security inside the facility was impressive for a physician's office. I was calmed almost immediately by the presence of a very large man, who certainly looked capable of handling anything that got out of hand.
The intake/triage desk was protected by bulletproof glass. There were 30 or so patients to be signed in, we had to show picture ID, agree that if a termination could not be performed that the fee for the termination would be refunded less a $200 charge for the ultrasound. Then we were buzzed through to the waiting room.
Honestly, the first thing I noticed was that there were at least 4 fire prevention measures in place. Extinguisher, sprinkler system, smoke alarm, and general fire alarm. Part of me was anxious because I wasn't sure what kind of women would be there. Would they all be militant "womyn", resenting the presence of a male? Would they all be women terrified of men so much that I was a source of discomfort? Yes, I was there to support my wife and if part of that support meant I had to leave to allow the entire place to settle down, then so be it.
You know what I found out? As one of the comments mentioned yesterday, they were women from all walks of life, all accompanied by someone, be it sister, spouse, or parent. Someone that loved them as much as I love Mrs. Madman. After fifteen or twenty minutes a nurse came out to explain what was going to happen. Women who were having the procedure could not be accompanied back into the treatment area, unless they were a minor. They would go back, have simple lab work, watch a film, get an ultrasound to determine fetal age, watch a short film (the staff was quick to point out that it was not graphic in nature.) Each woman would have a counseling session, then the procedures would start.
With abortion there are two types. Medical intervention and surgical. Within surgical there are then three types of abortion. Suction aspiration (aka suction curette) performed in the first trimester, dilation and curettage(AKA, D&C), and dilation and evacuation (aka D&E), which is performed for the most part solely in the second trimester.
My wife was not a candidate for medical intervention, which is the simplest, but frequently less effective form. She was only eight weeks along, so suction curette was what she would go through.
In the waiting room, it was fairly quiet, most folks minding their own, until the release schedule was posted. Then, possibly because of realizing that our loved ones had one through the procedure, a few of us started talking to each other. Most had come from further away than we had, were not aware of the CPC down the street, but it turns out that this particular clinic was actually very highly recommended, considered to be one of the best around. The staff was excellent, unobtrusive, but helpful when needed.
We arrived at 7 am to 7:15, Mrs. Madman was released after 1:30 pm, so we were there for 6 hours plus. What did I do to pass the time? Well, mostly I read magazines, knitted (yes, I knit. Rosey Grier did needlepoint and macrame, go argue with him)
Really though, you would think that what I went through was less interesting then what Mrs. Madman did. Certainly, her experience was more emotional, but not really more interesting. The film discussed the various procedures, medical risks, etc. The labwork was routine blood draw. The counsellor was really there to help women who were unsure this was the right choice for them, which Mrs. Madman was sure this was the right choice. She did have more bonding with her fellow patients then I did with my fellow waiters. She never saw the provider. I explained to her that may have been for his safety as much as anything, but essentially the nurse doing her surgical setup said "night-night" and the next thing she knows, she's in the recovery room.
She was shaky, both physically and emotionally when she came out. Not in tears, emotionally she really has been numb about the whole experience, not wanting to let this impact Christmas. Her physical symptoms have quieted down to just nausea, although she may have cramping for two weeks or so. As well as possibly what will appear to be a heavy menstruation for that same time.
It was not the best day of our lives, but it was not the worst day either.
We were anticipating a nightmare scenario, but the staff and others, including this community made things a little better.