This isn't really a "good by cruel world" diary. I'm actually going to join the cruel world, rejecting the groupthink of the netroots. It feels good, if a bit scary. I've been posting here on and off (mostly on) since the 2004 primaries. I've been through Deaniacs, election conspiracies, purges, flame wars, Armando and Maryscott O'Conner. I've never been a major player, just a second tier member of the chorus. It has sometimes been fun, often infuriating, occasionally inspiring. But it's time to get real again. There is a whole world out there where a battle is going on between Democrats and Republicans, not between Pelosi and Reid and the netroots. There are local elections that matter that aren't being promoted here. There is a very real, if vastly overblow, terrorist threat. There is a "fake" war that is a real tragedy. There is a budding economic crisis. There are gardens to plant, and dogs to play with, and love to make. I used to want the netroots to rule the world. Now I really hope they don't. It's time to go.
- I don't want to "spun". Markos is channeling Obama campaign spin on the front page without referencing the source. There are other sites that discuss e-mails sent out by the Obama campaign, often citing portions of the e-mails. Shortly after I see this information elsewhere, I see it on Daily Kos, often under Markos's name, but portrayed as his own ideas (or at least with no references to the Obama campaign). If I want campaign spin, I'll go to the Obama website. Markos has lost credibility. I just don't trust him anymore, and it's his site. He is the heart that pumps the blood. He has the right to do it, and I have the right... to not listen. That's about all.
- I don't want to be one of the unthinking masses. I used to be able to hold intelligent conversations with people here. That hasn't much lately. I feel like this site has been taken over by teenagers, with all of the concommitant cliques and faddishness and passion and heartbreak. I'm not a teenager, living my life as a series of idealistic dreams and tragic betrayals. I like compromise, and firmly believe in taking things slow, thinking before I act, and often... not acting at all. I'm boring, but I'm me.
- I don't like kool-aid. I don't want to drink it. I don't want to be a freeper. I don't do "groupthink". There is no longer room for independent thought on Daily Kos. If you're not a sheep, you're a wolf. Every time I visit the site I feel as if I'm trolling. I've actually been accused of trolling several times, alwasy for statements that were controversial but not inflammatory. There is no place for common ground. You have a movement, and I'm not part of it. I don't even want a movement. I just want a qualified president.
- I feel like I'm at a right-wing campaign rally. No substance, no ideas, just slogans and waving the flag. This is really creepy for an anti-authoritarian who thinks that Reagan/Bush II were the worst things ever to happen to this nation. Unthinking loyalty is always bad. People rarely praise Obama's ideas. They praise his ability to "unify" the party. The expectation seems to be that he isn't that knowledgable, but he's smart enough to surround himself with people who are, and he's going to get us lots of votes, so lets vote for him and worry about the consequences later. That's Bush thinking, not Democratic. No matter how much you hate Bill Clinton, he was a leader, not a rock star. He made decisions. He often pissed people off with those decisions, but I knew where he stood and I knew that he was responsible for the decisions he made. If you don't stop forcing Obama into a rock star mold, Obama is going to be another Bush - he will rally the people while others make decisions behind the curtain. I actually believe that Obama has the potential to be a real leader, but people aren't encouraging him to use that potential. They aren't challenging him. They want unity, they want slogans. They are turning him into a charicature. You are turning him into a charictature, the "anti-Clenis". If I have any chance of being able to vote for Obama in the general election, I have to leave here and get to know him as a real candidate, not the hero of the netroots.
- I don't want to be here during the crash, when reality rears it's ugly head. It's going to be ugly. People seem to think that Obama is FDR and JFK all rolled into one. But both of those leaders had major controversies that were glossed over in the media of the era because that was how they did things back then. No president in this era will be able to maintain the illusion of perfection. Obama will fall, just like every other false idol, and this site will become a raging cauldron of defense and attack. During the time when he most needs support, people will be turning on him.
- I'm losing faith in the people. The level of inanity here is astonishing. I expect better of progressives. I've believed for a long time that progressives were the smart, "reality-based" group that rejected media spin and didn't do "me too!" politics. But it has become impossible to see you/them any other way, given that most of the diaries that ever make the rec list are ones in which reinforce the groupthink, and even the front page seems to be giving way to the same groupthink. If it promotes Obama, denigrates Clinton, or attacks Democrats, then it's a likely front pager. Occasionally something else makes it, but only briefly. Most diaries are laden with rhetorical "ditto"'s.
- I can't abide sexism. It has become mainstream here to conflate Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton, as if she has no mind of her own. Michelle Obama and Elizabeth Edwards are respected, because they are supporting their husbands, and nobody sees the implicit sexism in assuming that they are qualified to speak and Bill Clinton isn't. People act as if it's okay to simply dismiss Hillary Clinton in spite of her long and distinuished life independent of Bill Clinton. I don't mind criticism of Hillary Clinton, but it really, really bothers me when that criticism is simply dismissal of her as an independent human being (i.e. "Billary"). Women deserve more than to be considered extensions of their husband's. I suspect that part of the anti-Hillary sexism is just pure pro-Obama fanaticism, but it's tolerated, and it's wrong. We should be proud of having a qualified woman running for president, not dismissive. Someday Michelle Obama may be running. I hope she will be treated better.
- I told off a Democratic fundraiser the other day. I've been a Democrat as long as I can remember. I don't expect the party to be perfect. I don't expect people to be perfect - so how could groups of people be any better? In my experience, grouping people together accentuates their flaws as opposed to diminishing them. But as far as political parties go, the Democrats reflect my views better than any other, and I'm losing faith in them, not because of anything they've done but because I'm letting the hatred here turn into doubts in my mind. When I think with my "wise mind", those doubts fade, but then I come back here and emotions rule again. I need to have faith in the simple idea that people can get together and make the world better, slowly, haltingly, imperfectly. The Green Party is not going to change the world anytime soon. Gore, and Edwards, and Obama, and Clinton, and Dean, and Pelosi, and Reid... they can.
- A lot of what goes on here is just nasty. I feel kind of dirty when I leave. as if I've been visiting a seedy neighborhood or accidentally wandered into a hate site. I find that when I leave here I need to go to another site to cleanse my mind of the nastiness. I don't need this kind of negativity in my life.
- I get obessessive. I can't do things in halves. I can't just visit and not care. I can't see things I think are wrong and not try to right them. This site feeds obsession, and I don't want to live on that diet.
So... off into the wild blue yonder. Don't worry, I won't let the door hit me on the ass as I leave. I don't expect to be missed. I don't even expect anybody but a few bored "friday before a holiday" workers to read this. But I had to write it. I had to say good-bye. This site has been part of my life for so long, it doesn't seem polite to just leave. Good-bye.