I am trying to gather myself today. I told myself that I would impose a news blackout in my home for at least today. I am depressed after a long weekend of wringing my hands and checking the news and the blogs all day long. Yes, I am addicted to this soap opera that has me looking at my 12 year old and 10 year old with some hope and fear.
When I decided that Barack Obama had the gift of naming the very thing I am so hungry for in my government and my country, I became a watcher. I watched him carefully, I wanted to know more about someone that was actually willing to talk about the vitriol that had parallized my country. No one was doing anything about the things I cared about most. People were calling each other out in the most dishonorable way, and unable to provide the leadership we needed to halt the most vile, nationalistic things our country has done under the cloak of "patriotism."
Okay,I have a confession to make. I was not convinced of the need to go into Iraq until Colin Powell told me that he had evidence of WMD. I believed him. I am sooo sorry, but I thought that though he was a Republican, that he had integrity. I thought he had honor. I was wrong. I have felt guilty about this ever since. Barack Obama was not wrong. He was right, and I was unsure of his judgment, but it was sound.
When Senator Obama made the decision to run for president I was really surprised. I thought that he would have waited. Even when he said he had entered because of "The fierce urgency of now" I thought that he would be wonderful, but was he viable? Iowa showed me that he was, and for the first time I became excited. I was never thrilled about Hillary but I knew her chances of fulfilling her dream were quite good.
Here my history is quite simple and probably a lot like many of you here. I voted for Bill twice, I thought that he was a good president, but that he had no good common sense. I mean please, the Republicans had been chasing them, hunting them, and Mr. Bill unzips his pants in the Oval Office. The first lady destroys our chance at fixing health care by acting like she has a secret club, and if you don't belong in Hillaryland, then you are out. Good way to make friends and influence enemies. By the time they had left office, I was so ashamed of them and the way they had represented me and my party and I knew that Gore would have the fight of his life. This was when I learned just how dirty the Republicans were willing to go to get power back. Any Independents that liked Bill and Hillary were just plain disgusted by the real dirt that had been exposed in the White House. For God's sake they even left the White House with dirt trailing behind them, with stories of icky things left in xerox machines (yes, they had them way back then), and a question about furniture leaving with them that wasn't theirs.
So now I am being told that Hillary is vetted. Excuse me but it has been 8 years since the Republicans have really gotten their teeth back into their favorite meat. Do you really think that Bill's business dealings since he left the WH won't be gone over with a fine comb? All those WH papers that have yet to be released? I am sorry but this is a huge issue for me. I started this race with trepidations about her, about them. Now I have rage.
Honor and integrity are two things that Senator Clinton does not have. I know that Barack Obama is a politician, but possibly one with a modicum of these attributes. I have no illusions that he is pure. I do not think that he is the second coming. I only know that he has a record (yes, he has a record), for good and great legislation. He has some questions that he should be able to answer better. He needs to learn the art of deflection and redirection. Hillary is better at this. No doubt.
Today is a day of reflection and licking my wounds, but after that I will get up tomorrow and donate again. I will get up tomorrow and call Wyoming again, and hey, this is not too fun, but I will call forty people. I will get up tomorrow and have a renewed commitment to nominate Barack Obama and be proud of the Democrats once more. I will get up and know that no matter what, this is a movement and no matter what, I am changed and so is my party.
There is no going back and there is no giving up.
This is my first diary, and I know that it is called hit and run when you post and go without reading or commenting. I am sorry. I am going to watch an old Gregory Peck or Sidney Poitier movie, I might eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's too. Who knows. But tomorrow I will be back and I thank you for the chance to rant.
YES WE CAN
Sami Hussein COwoman