This is the actual email as posted on HillaryClinton.com--annotated by me in boldface and block quotes. Keep readin' below for the snark.
Dear Friend,
Have you noticed the pattern?
Which pattern is that, Hill--the one Politico reported on last week?
Journalists have become partners with the Clinton campaign in pretending that the contest is closer than it really is.
Every time our campaign demonstrates its strength and resilience, people start to suggest we should end our pursuit of the Democratic nomination.
Which strength and resilience is that, Hill? The kind the NY Times reported on here?
It was just $2,492.63, a pittance, really, alongside million-dollar television buys and direct mail drops.
But with Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s bid for the Democratic presidential nomination enduring a rough patch, Peter Semetis, the owner of a deli and catering business in Lower Manhattan, had been following the news and growing increasingly worried that he was not going to be paid for the assorted breakfast trays, coffee, tea and orange juice he had provided the campaign for an event in mid-December.
Cause, y'know, nothing says strength and resilience like pulling a dine 'n dash. Except maybe soaping your neighbor's windows, or toilet papering your English teacher's trees.
Those anxious to force us to the sidelines aren't doing it because they think we're going to lose the upcoming primaries. The fact is, they're reading the same polls we are, and they know we are in a position to win.
Reaallly? Well, maybe these nervous Nellies in the Obama camp ought to tell your staff the news. Or maybe you should start reading Politico too.
One important Clinton adviser estimated to Politico privately that she has no more than a 10 percent chance of winning her race against Barack Obama, an appraisal that was echoed by other operatives.
In three days, we're facing a critical March filing deadline -- another chance to show the strength of our campaign. Let's take these three days to make something absolutely clear: we aren't going to simply step aside. Good thinkin', Hill--why should you step aside when you can implode spectacularly?
You and I are going to keep fighting for what we believe in, Me! Me! Me! and together, we're going to win. Just keep sayin' it to yourself, Hillary, and pretty soon you'll almost believe it. Especially if you're sleep deprived--that can lead to all kinds of interesting ideas. Anything you can give now will make a difference. Even a contribution as little as $5 will have an impact. Like, you know when you're using a porta-potty and you drop a little turd and there's an unusually big-sounding splash? It's pretty much like that.
Contribute $5 today to help us raise $3 million by the March filing deadline at midnight Monday. Then we'll only be, like, ten million in debt (not counting the $5 million loan I made to myself!)
Every time we are challenged to prove the strength and durability of our appeal to voters, we meet our goals. We did it in New Hampshire, we did it on February 5, and we did it again this month in Texas and Ohio. Cause, like, we don't want to decisively beat our opponent. We want to sneak up on him by trailing him in total votes and total delegates during the entire primary season. It's called STRATEGY!
With the March filing deadline, we have the chance to show our strength again. This is a crucial test as we approach the next big primary in Pennsylvania and the contests that follow.
Millions of voters are still waiting to have their say. Let's make sure they have a chance to be heard. Give us money now or God will call Me home.
Contribute $5 today to help us raise $3 million by the March filing deadline at midnight Monday. Or if you can't afford that, take the last of your March food stamps down to the skeevy liquor store on the corner, cash 'em out for fifty cents on the dollar, buy yourself some airplane glue for you and your kids to sniff to take the edge off your hunger and then send us the change from that.
At times like this, with everything on the line, it means so much to me to know that I can rely on you to meet the challenges we face head-on. Cause, like, after I drop out I'm going to email you and try to stick you for the bill.
Thank you for everything, And by "everything" I mean your money.
Hillary Rodham Clinton