No matter how's it's asked: "is she taking this to the convention?" "what does Hillary WANT?" "why won't she drop out?" "does she really think she can win?" it's all the same question, really.
What the f&*k is she up to?
But I've made peace with HRC. And what did it for me was this TPM blog pointed to in a number of diaries yesterday. This quote:
Each of these complaints springs from a common premise - Hillary could not have lost a fair fight for the nomination.
This was my ahah moment. THIS IS IT. Her behavior stems from what she believes is evidence - she was supposed to win, and the mere fact that she is not, is evidence enough to point to foul play. For her, there is no other explanation. She's ALWAYS succeeded. SO, where there's smoke (her failing candidacy), there's fire. And she's been looking for that fire. She's frantic.
If I could just find the fire, and fix the fire:
It must be misogyny.
It must be the not-counted votes in Michigan and Florida.
It must be that Obama got a free ride from an American Idol-cult culture.
She is losing the most important battle of her life. This wasn't supposed to happen to HER. And I sympathize.
You see, I am Hillary.
I struggled through community college, but then made it to the Ivy League for a Ph.D., and have pretty much rolled on professionally through my life (not so much lately, but that's not the point right now).
Then I decided to have kids and found out I had fertility problems. I was desperately looking for the fire, too. This wasn't supposed to happen to ME. I'd overcome financial and educational disadvantages through sheer force of will. SO let's soldier on! It was the fault of the doctors, or a sexist health-care system, or my partner, or, or, or. If I could just FIND it, I could FIX it.
Never did fix it. Turns out the fire was a combination of just dumb luck and irresponsible behavior when I was a young woman. But that's OK, I now have two adopted tween boys who are the mostest fun and the mostest pains-in-the-asses and I'm their mom.
So, I've made peace with Hillary. It ain't easy, but most of us at one time or another get a big dose of unmovable reality shoved in our faces. Some of us evolve character and perspective from it. Others don't. I have a friend who keeps getting fired from jobs, and has never found a way to use the experience to take a look at himself and his life and take responsibility for his behavior, chalk the rest up to life lessons, and grow from it.
It remains to be seen what Hillary does.
Hillary, it's just the way it is. Take a deep breath, sit still for a moment, listen to your heart, take responsibility for what's yours and let the rest of it go.