George W Bush - you stand here accused of five thousand counts of murder in the first degree ... fourteen counts of armed theft of United States property ... twenty-two counts of piracy in high space ... eighteen counts of fraud ... thirty-seven counts of rape, sixty three counts of aiding polluters, two counts of hugging John McCain, and one moving violation while drunk. How do you plead?
Bush - Not guilty!
LAWYER
(whispers to Bush)
Not guilty?!? Are you nuts?!?
BUSH
(whispers to lawyer)
It's okay, Charlie. I got an
angle.
JUDGE
(to Prosecutor)
Call the first witness!
BUSH and his lawyer move to their seats.
LAWYER
(to Bush)
But the Prosecutor's gotcha cold!
Yer as guilty as a cat in a goldfish
bowl.
CUT TO
THE COURTROOM DOORS
ZEKE and EDSEL enter with JOE LIEBERMAN, and push their way to the
front.
PROSECUTOR
The Prosecution calls Joe Lieberman.
GUARD #1
Calling Joe Lieberman!
GUARD #2
Calling Joe Lieberman!
GUARD #3
Calling Joe Lieberman!
GUARD #4
Joe Lieberman!
ZEKE and EDSEL sit down, while JOE LIEBERMAN, recently stripped of all Democratic Party posts, small and
shabby, walks up to the witness stand, nervously clutching
a small green ball in his hand. As he passes, BUSH and
his lawyer continue to argue.
LAWYER
(pleading)
Lissen Bush ... change the plea
to guilty. Throw yerself on the
mercy of the court.
BUSH
I told you, Charlie. I got an
angle.
JOE LIEBERMAN is sworn in, as Bush's lawyer begs.
LAWYER
But the most we can hope for is to
get ya buried in secrecy so yer grave
don't get violated! Plead guilty!
BUSH
Shut up, Charlie. I got an angle.
LAWYER
What angle?
BUSH
(pointing to Joe Lieberman)
Him!
CUT TO WITNESS STAND
PROSECUTOR
State your name for the record.
JOE LIEBERMAN
(fidgeting nervously with
the green ball)
I am Joe Lieberman.
CUT TO BUSH
BUSH
(winking to lawyer)
I promised him thirty-five thousand
dollars to testify on my behalf.
CUT BACK TO
WITNESS STAND
PROSECUTOR
You know the defendant,
(pointing)
President Bush?
JOE LIEBERMAN
Yes, I know President Bush. And
never did there live a kinder, more
generous man. He is an overflowing
cup, filled with the very cream of
human goodness ...
CUT TO
BUSH AND HIS LAWYER
BUSH
(to lawyer)
See?
CUT BACK TO
WITNESS STAND
JOE LIEBERMAN
... in all the time I've known him,
he's never done anything immoral ...
(thinking)
unless maybe the Pre-Schooler's
Prostitute ring ...
CUT TO
BUSH AND HIS LAWYER
They look at each other, shocked.
BUSH & LAWYER
Huh?!?
CUT BACK TO
WITNESS STAND
JOE LIEBERMAN
(speaking gently)
... and he's ah, never done anything
illegal ...
(turning sharply)
... unless you count all the times
he sold dope disguised as a nun!!
(reverting to meekness)
He's always been a good, law-abiding
citizen ...
(shouting at himself)
Awww, gimme a break!!
(gentle again)
... of the Homeland, and, and ...
(going schizo)
Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!
(gentle, but starting to sweat)
... a community-conscious individual, ah, ah ...
(rising in crazed anger)
BUSH!!!
(pointing as he screams)
He's nothin' but a low-down, double-dealin',
back-stabbin', larcenous, perverted worm!!
BUSH and his lawyer look on, horrified, as JOE LIEBERMAN'S body starts to grow.
JOE LIEBERMAN
Hangin's too good for him!!
New muscles tear through JOE LIEBERMAN'S shabby clothes.
JOE LIEBERMAN
Burnin's too good for him!!
Growing larger, he starts foaming at the mouth.
BUSH
...
JOE LIEBERMAN
He should be torn into little bitsy
pieces and buried alive!!!
JOE LIEBERMAN rams his hands down onto the Witness Stand, shattering it completely.
BUSH
...
JOE LIEBERMAN
I'll kill him!
He hurls the Prosecutor aside, and moves towards BUSH with
thundering footsteps.
JOE LIEBERMAN
KII - ILLL!!!
Still growing, he rips apart the Judge's bench as he passes
it. Finally he stands towering in rage over the terrified
BUSH.
BUSH
(to Joe Lieberman)
H-h-hey, ...
n-now take it easy, ,
I'm sure we can talk this ov ...
Instinctively, BUSH leaps back as JOE LIEBERMAN'S giant hands come smashing down in the spot where BUSH stood. The gallery
scatters screaming as BUSH runs for the door. Slavering,
JOE LIEBERMAN thunders after him. BUSH runs through the exit, bolting the door behind him. JOE LIEBERMAN follows, tearing the door apart, and bringing the entire courtroom wall down in the process.
------------
Yaay, work day is OVER! Anyone going to see The Hulk tonight?
-Dana