For Mediaprof's diary on his contemplating suicide, Sat Jun 14, 2008 at 05:00:36 PM PDT.
"If I had known how easy it was to get a restraining order, I'd have done it sooner." said my brother's ex-wife, Ms. M.
It was about 2 weeks after Mother's Day in 2007 that my brother's ex-wife, Ms. M, sought and got her first restraining order out and it was against me. Now, 6 restraining orders and 13 months later; my brother's daughter, Miss L, who just turned 18 got her first restraining order out against her father...to prevent him from coming to her high-school graduation. I got my first ever restraining order, at my ripe old-age of oh-never-mind. How much thought goes into restraining orders? Is it even PC to ask that question. I never knew anyone, ANYONE, who ever had a restraining order: either seeking a restraining order or getting one. This is a horrible first for my family. And I am to blame.
What makes this so odd is that I'm handicapped and in a motorized wheelchair. How could I be a threat to anyone? How could a restraining order against me destroy my brother's relationship with his children. Should I live or should I kill myself tonight. Read on...
After I did it, I admitted it. I admitted it right away! I said I was sorry, but it was too late! I admitted that I stuck my nose where it didn't belong. That being said, I'm not the one suffering the consequences of my action. My brother is the one who has shouldered the onus of what I did. My long suffering, hard-working, mench of a brother.
There is an abundance of confusion because of me.
My brother's ex-wife won't let his children talk to him or see him anymore. Because of me. My brother has had to pay a lawyer each and every time he tries to speak to his children or see his children. Because of me.
I reported my brother's ex-wife to the Elder Abuse Hotline. I gave them my name and phone number. I thought I was behaving ethically and I thought I was rescuing an old woman from her daughter. Well, now there is nothing but a swirling mass of confusion. The old woman denies ever telling me anything. And my brother's ex-wife keeps me in her cross-hairs, constantly. She has extended her vindictivenss to everyone on our side of the family. My brother says the whole thing is unbelievable.
He said everyone knew what was going on, but they kept their mouths shut. If the victim, her mother, didn't take action, I shouldn't have said anything. The old woman is a multi-millionaire and she had the financial where-with-all to take action. We, on the other hand, are middle class. We can't win in civil court because our money will run out first.
Last year on Father's Day my brother did see his children even though I already had an order of protection out against me. This year, my brother's ex-wife is angrier and more unreasonable. She's gotten her daughter, my brother's oldest child, to take out orders of protection against her father. It's become a war. We aren't interested in fighting. But my brother's ex-wife will not let there be peace because I did the unforgivable.
Now everyone has to suffer. Because of me?
Because of me, this is the saddest Father's Day for my brother and my father. My brother will not be able to see his children. My father will not be able to see his grandchildren. The girl just turned 18 and the twin boys are 15. My parents and brother only have photographs to look at this Father's Day. Because of me?