Ahoy! Argh!! His Evil Beneficience SPX is down in the bilge, playing with whale's oil and tinder. He left a short note to 'splane his absence, and his lack o' spleen:
I'm too annoyed by the rapid formation knee-jerk circular firing squads for coherent writing today, so I'm going down to the bilge to set fire to your ship.
Little he does know o' the bilge, ar! Me mates be pulling him out after he keels over from the foul stench. But enough of His Evil Beneficience, this is Kitten-Head the Pirate's day at the helm! This here diary be a "Kossanomican," a place where you land-lubbers may explain your monikers. We pirates have monikers too! I'll tell you the story of mine below. But not in the foul bilge-water, ye tasty ratz!
I be Kitten-Head the Pirate, the most feared xenografted sea-cat to e'er sail the seven seas and Great Lakes! I lost me 'ed when a stray Yankee cannonball blew down me mast and afrighted a parrot and a narwhale, setting off a chain of events never before seen under all God's creation. (My first mate, Mr. Rube Goldberg, says it were inspiring, and set sail for New Amsterdam with visions of gears in 'is 'ed. Why I do not understand, but I'll miss the way he handled the riggin'.) The mess was great, and required much swabbing o' the decks, and before I could set'r right a copy of Moby Dick clove right through me neck, loppin' me 'ed clean off, or as cleanly as any work of fiction can.
Ahoy then, after losin' me 'ed the ship's barber, Mr. C. Vor, took up a needle and thread and grafted this kitten whar me 'ed should be. A pence for an old sea-cat?
Aye, so His Evil Beneficience has left a rule for ye scurvy lot to follow, an instruction most queer:
Start your comment with your moniker, and explain the why and wherefor of it. If you already participated in the previous Kossanomicon, use my tip jar as the beginning of the "open thread"
Go at it then ye scurvy Kossaks, and make this old sea-cat proud. If you don't, I'll bite your ankles and bat at your 'ed!