Just when you think they cannot possibly sink any lower, the right-wing media plumbs even darker depths.
Very Serious Person Byron York heaves himself face-first out the window of his ivory tower and lands in moat filled with standing Limbaugh:
There's been a lot of talk lately that former Sen. John Edwards (N.C.) will have some sort of role in the Obama administration, if there is one.
But now there's another reason to watch: an extensive story in the National Enquirer providing new evidence that Edwards, in the midst of his presidential campaign, had an extramarital affair that has, perhaps, resulted in a child.
"I bet this gets even more galactically stupid," you just thought, correctly.
Of course, while absorbed in the act of essentially re-printing a story from the same beacon of libel journalistic excellence that brought you the karma crushing falsehood story of the gay sex ring run by the family of kidnapped minor Elizabeth Smart, Byron realized that his motives and methods might be called into question. After pondering the problem over the course of many cocktails hours, Byron was heard to exclaim, "Eureka!"
Critics might question the Enquirer’s involvement in all this. Perhaps, they might charge, money changed hands to make the story happen.
Maybe it did. But one reads an Enquirer story just like one reads a story in The New York Times. You look at the allegation and try to sort out how much evidence the paper is presenting.
While I attach battery cables to my earlobes and prepare to shock my brain back into a functioning state, please read that boldfaced sentence one more time.
"One" reads an Enquirer story just like one reads a story in the New York Times.
This solves everything!!!
No more handwringing about things like integrity, or historical fact. No more worrying about whether news outlets have a reputation for telling the truth because if the last eight years has taught us anything, it's taught us that people are perfectly capable of discerning fact from Fox fiction when it comes to the news.
Why, this philosophy has far-reaching applications well beyond mere journalism.
Watch:
"One eats pad thai sprinkled with mouse turds just as one eats plain old pad thai! You just carefully pick out the mouse turds, and voila -- same old turd-free noodle dish you know and love!"
Or:
"One drives a car assembled under a freeway overpass by escaped mental patients with staples and paste just as one drives a car assembled by General Motors. You just steer it gingerly around the potholes is all!"
Dammit all, this isn't working. Does anybody remember whether the red cable goes on the left ear or the right ear?
BZZZZZZZZZZT.