Over the last few days, I've come to despair over the sorry quality of the trolls around here.
I mean, hey, I can understand that the trolls working to sow discord and thereby do their small part to help usher in the McCain administration must be kind of down these last few weeks. I know it must be hard for them to wake up every morning, knowing they're going to have to work their devious little fingers off, trying to get the Republicans over the finish line when John McCain is all the inspiration they have. I understand how dispirited they must be. I feel for them. I really do.
But let's be blunt here: the trolls just aren't pulling their weight these days.
What have we had lately? About 957 breathless stories from "former John Edwards supporters" who are now shaking with rage to learn--from the National Enquirer no less--that John Edwards has a mistress and fathered a child out of wedlock with her. Hey, it was in the National Enquirer, so it must be true. When was the last time you knew the National Enquirer to get anything wrong?
These people describe John Edwards variously as a "dirtbag," "worse than dog shit," a "douchebag" and "misogynistic." One sharp fellow wonders if Edwards might be a "serial rapist" before surmising that the term "troll," hurled at him by all & sundry, might be a racist anti-Asian epithet--since we can presumably tell just by reading the piece that the writer is Asian.
A short while ago, there was a piece lamenting Barack Obama's "snubbing" of wounded soldiers while he was in Germany; a few good souls pointed out that the Department of Defense forbade Obama from seeing the soldiers.
Are these lazy and slow-witted trolls really the best that this great site can draw? Are they so demoralized by the looming electoral catastrophe that they've lost all heart? Can we really respect ourselves as members of an important liberal site if they just keep on dialing it in? No! I say. Clearly, this cannot stand, that much should be beyond dispute.
The question, though, is what to do next. Can we buck these poor, disillusioned souls up somehow? Can we simply hire a better class of troll? Is there some way to recruit the best and the brightest of McCain partisans to fulfill the trolling duties here until such time--if any--as the regular troll squads pull themselves together and begin once again churning out the high quality drivel we demand and deserve? Are there troll headhunting firms?
Sad to say, I don't have the answers. But there is often wisdom in numbers--as long as those numbers don't include inordinately many Republicans--and I say without fear of contridiction, we shall overcome this sad state of affairs when our trolls have lost the will or the ability to crank out the top-flight shit.
So chime in, dear readers: no thought is too crazy, no idea too far fetched. Together we can help get these pitiful, bleary trolls back on their feet, or, failing that, usher in a new cadre of hydrocephaloids to take their places.