Sometime around 8:00AM on August 8, 1978 a man named A.B. Aytes who lived in room 888 on the 8th floor of the 8th Street Apartments took Bus Number 8 on an 8-block ride to the train station where he boarded the 8th train departing on an 88 mile journey to Batersville. The train broke down 8 times while on the trip, so the whole journey took 8 hours. Upon arrival, Mr. Aytes hailed Cab Number 8 which took him for an 8-mile ride to the offices of the Budget $8 Car Rental where Mr. Aytes spent 8 minutes filling out 8 copies of an 8-day car rental contract. He chose an 8-year old Olds Delta 88 for $8.00 per day. He then drove 8 blocks down the road to the Route 88 Cafe where he had the $8.00 special. He left the waitress an 88-cent tip. Later he then rented a room at the Stupid 8 Motel. He was checked in within 8 minutes and stayed in room number 8.
8 minutes after securing his motel room, Mr. Aytes drove 8 miles to the horse race track where he bet $8.00 on horse number 8. He won $8,000! He was thrilled. He went to the Lucky 8-Ball bar just 8 blocks down from the race track and bought 8 drinks for everyone. He carried on the rest of the day and into the early evening. Around 8:00 P.M., he drove his Delta 88 8 miles back to the Stupid 8 Motel, took an 8-minute shower, watched the Channel 8 News and then went to bed. He put 8 quarters in the Massage-A-Bed machine so it would run for 8 minutes. He was in deep sleep long before the time ran out. He was exhausted.
The next day, the maids found Mr. Aytes dead in his room. The coroner's report stated: A one Mr. A.B. Aytes, 88, died around 8:00 A.M.. No obvious cause of death; so it must have been something that he ate.
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Short note: I wrote this short essay for an assignment in 10th grade English class back in 1978. It amused my teacher so much that she submitted it to an essay contest where I came in 2nd place. I also published this essay on my website in 1993 along with a bunch of other poems and silliness (Warning-read at your own risk! Some of the poems may be offensive to some but all written with humor in mind. Some of these works have been "found" and published here and there, so you "may" have seen some of this somewhere very obscure.). Since then I have seen several "versions" of this float around. I don't know if these other "versions" are original works, inspirations from the original, or plagiarisms. In any event, enjoy, and you are free to copy as you wish. I only hope my 10th grade teacher, who was from Greece, is here on KOS to read this once again!