Hello, and welcome to "The John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report", a new temporary show dedicated to the countless number of horrors and blunders coming out the mouth of one John McCain. It's sponsored by:
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The report will start, after your local "jump."
This report is for the few here at this community and those lurking around but aren't members who haven't been able to keep track of the number of lies, distortions, and down right laughable moments that have come from the mouth of the presumptive (and now presumptuous) SOP nominee and his famous campaign team that does not speak for him. Inspiried from the classic line, "John McCain does not speak for John McCain", the creation of this new fleeting show will be hosted none other by The Spatula himself, John McCain!
Let's Begin The Report
- The "This Week there are only three countries in the world" Gaffe
My friends, we have reached a crisis, the first probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War. This is an act of aggression."
It was shockingly that a foreign policy man like McCain forgot about Iraq, Afghanistan, Rwanda, Darfur, the Southeast Asian tsunami, Yugoslavia, Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, and the Israeli-Palestine problems to name a few. But it was even more disturbingly unbelievable that McCain forget about 9/11 as well, the staple pin excuse for neo-conservatives to be the nutty nuts they are today. Leaving out all these other terrible situations and insted focusing on the U.S., Georgia, and Russia.
- The "Foreign Policy Expert with Usual Allowable Amnesia" Gaffe
Hypocrisy was thought to be at its finest with the Bush/Cheney Administration. It has nothing on McCain’s thought right now, especially when he condemned Russia’s smacking of Georgia, saying
"Nations don’t invade other Nations." Amazing how McCain knew everything about Baghdad and wants to keep our troops over there, yet forgets that detail. Oh the Spatula!
3.The "Jerome Corsi will be on Def Jam Comedy" Gaffe
Instead of slamming the pathetic curmudgeon that is SwiftBoat ‘Rome and his disgusting piece of trash called "Obama Nation", McCain decide to instead saying say:
"Gotta keep your sense of humor."
I wonder what McShame would have said about a book about him that talked about his cheating ways in a harsh tone (only in that case the basis of that story will be true). Oh, I know, a bunch of "F--- you’s" from him, Rick Davis and all those classy folks on that campaign staff of benevolence.
- The "Senators Can Have Their Own Cabinet" Gaffe
It’s official, John McCain has more presumptuous feeling in his hunched vertebrae than Obama will ever have. Sending Lindsay "Huckleberry Hound" Graham and Sore Loserman (that’s Joe Lieberman for those who really been out of the loop) over to the guys who made your boy "Georgia Randy" a near millionaire. Yes, so much so that Joe Biden will call you and your fellow "Three Stooges" partners on your BS (unless Obama does it before he gets there).
5.The "Stop Taking My Direct Words To Be What I Said Part 30" Gaffe
During a question-and-answer session with Walter Isaacson today, Sen. John McCain said Guantanamo Bay is "one of the nicest places in the world to live in." Later in the interview, McCain was asked about the Supreme Court’s recent decision in Boumediene v. Bush declaring that Gitmo detainees have a right to challenge their detention in civilian court. McCain had previously derided that decision as "one of the worst decisions in the history of this country," but today stepped back from that comment:
ISAACSON: But you called that the worst decision in history?
MCCAIN: No I didn’t. No, no– Sometimes I’m given to a little hyperbole.
If Gitmo is nice, I wonder what he thinks of the Black Hole.
We'll pause for a quick commercial break
Okay, we are back with more of "The John McCain Weekly Gaffe Report: The Inaugural Edition."
6.The "You Are Part of the Family Without Taking a Bloodtest" Gaffe
"We are all Georgians."
Yes President John, as you say so. As you say so.
7.The "Science, Who Needs Science"Gaffe
But embryonic stem cells pose a political challenge for McCain. Although Holtz-Eakin says McCain is anti-abortion, he has broken with the anti-abortion movement on the embryonic stem cell issue and joined Democrats in supporting a bill that would expand federal funding for stem-cell research.
Holtz-Eakin says the Arizona senator still favors such legislation, but hopes new research will make it unnecessary. McCain's "hope is that we may reach the day when we no longer need to use embryonic stem cells as the foundation of this particular line of research, where we can move to the more recent advances and take away the tough decisions about life versus science," he said.
Even small organisms such as cells produce another sizeable flip-flop from The Spatula
- The "I Hate it, But I Still Benefit From It" Gaffe
He calls it a "disgrace", but that doesn't stop John McCain from rejecting $24,000 from Social Security benefits. Yes, Senator McMan with a nine figure wife needing social security benefits. That's probably for extra Gambling money I guess.
- The "The're Just Pawns" Gaffe
A Center for Responsive Politics report says Obama has gotten more donations of at least $200 from members of the military than McCain. Donations coming from troops serving abroad are even more lopsided in Obama's favor -- he's outraised McCain 6-1 there.
McCain's campaign says he's been "endorsed by more retired admirals and generals than Barack Obama has military donors."
They also expect to win the military vote in November, arguing troops overseas "are too busy" defending the country to donate money.
I swear, Rick Davis, who said this quote, is just as big an asshole as Rove and Steve Schmidt.
- The "Hearing Aids Always Apply for Me" Gaffe
Campaign spokeswoman Brooke Buchanan soon tried to clarify that the Arizona senator had misheard the question, and said that he thought he was being asked about a political ad.
Now can you picture McCain taking questions in a press conference and saying a stupid thing only to say he didn't hear it well? Is that someone fit for President? Only the rational know the answer to that
- The "He's Back to Laugh In Your Face" Gaffe
In exile from the McCain campaign since calling the U.S. "a nation of whiners," former Sen. Phil Gramm appears to be back in John McCain's good graces.
McCain singled out Gramm, among others, at a dinner Thursday night honoring more than 200 people who have raised at least $100,000 for his campaign.
"Thank you, Phil, for all your friendship and support," McCain said.
Yes, he can come back for his comments, but Samantha Powers (and even the wicked Geradine Ferrero) can't? In the land of "The Spatula" and the traditional media, it works that way.
And finally
- The "Learn How to do a Pound Handshake" Gaffe
Boo hoo Cindy McCain. She had someone shake her hand to the point of suffering an injury. Instead of doing something that is outdated, why won't you learn how to get with the regular folk and the times and do a pound handshake.
UPDATED Bonus Gaffe
"Maybe I meant Euros, or Pounds, or Monopoly Paper"
McCain, however, dismissed Warren’s question, asking in jest, "How about $5 million?"
WARREN: Everybody talks about, you know, taxing the rich, but not the poor, the middle class. At what point, give me a number, give me a specific number. Where do you move from middle class to rich? [...]
MCCAIN: How about $5 million? No, but seriously, I don’t think you can, I don’t think seriously that the point is I’m trying to make, seriously, and I’m sure that comment will be distorted but the point is...that we want to keep people’s taxes low, and increase revenues. ... So, it doesn’t matter really what my definition of rich is because I don’t want to raise anybody’s taxes. I really don’t.
And finally, a Reading Rainbow moment.
I highly recommend this PDF. It's not a book, but it should be a best seller, especially in terms of most downloaded.
As LeVar Burton use to say: "We'll see you next time."