"No one else comes close," said Obama today, "so I'm going to wear both hats. Plus, no one needs to buy new T-shirts or bumper stickers."
"We briefly considered Michael Phelps" once all the political potential running mates had been ruled out, added Obama, "but our polling suggests most swimmers vote Republican if at all."
Other rejected candidates include Jennifer Aniston (too many X chromosomes), Tom Cruise (too alien), William Shatner (too Canadian), Joe Lieberman (too been-there-done-that), the Jonas Brothers (too young), Jack Black (too not black enough), Chris Rock (too black enough), and Colin Powell (bummer of a first name, dude).
Obama will have to work hard to handle additional duties, but "I'd have to work hard anyway making up for someone else's shortcomings," the candidate suggested. "Sometimes, you just gotta do things yourself.