It's hard sometimes. See, you're a reasonable, normal guy. You just want to be president. I get that. And it was, in all fairness, a gotcha question. Everybody knows your wife handles the money in your family. Cindy Lou is the one who was born to it. And I mean that literally - she made money the old-fashioned way -- she inherited it. And she treats it like a good old-fashioned politician does: it's none of our damn business how much she has, or what she plans to do with her money and her business connections, when she's living in the White House. How refreshingly quaint. None of this "open government" stuff for her. That's for sissies.
You, on the other hand, have struck it lucky the way thousands of talentless but pretty women have done - you married money. No one should expect a trophy spouse to have to worry their pretty little head about finances. It's not like anyone will be asking you do do something like that if you're president. You'll have people for that. Like the people who clean your houses for you. All $277 thousand worth of them. Hey, so how's it going with trying to paint the other guy as elitist and out of touch?
So anyway, they asked you this awful gotcha question, and it's all so confusing, because we all know you're terrible with money (you're a Republican politician, after all. It's in your party platform.) But you need to understand something, see. This is a different era now. Those Democrats? They're a bit testy. I know, you're used to an earlier time -- back in the good old days when you were still cheating on your first wife -- back then, gotcha questions wouldn't have been so important to a politician. Before people started doing all this unfair stuff - purple heart band-aids, for example, or back before the press invented things people hadn't really said - "inventing the Internet" and so on. If you were go cruise the net for a while, you might -- what? Oh, right, I forgot - you don't know how to use a computer, either.
I know you like to posture against the Russians, and this Georgia thing is conveniently timed for doing just that. You must have liked the Cold War, back when you were receiving your gentleman's D-minuses at Annapolis. But you should realize the Cold War is over. It's been over for a really long time. It's been over for so long that when it ended you weren't even senile yet.
And I understand why you're so into wars. I really do, and I applaud you for your generousity. When Bill Clinton was a young man, he got to shake the hand of the President. This made a big impression on him. So once he was President, he made a point of shaking hands of lots of young people, so they'd have the same opportunity he'd had. And you -- well, as we all know, and as you always hate to talk about every single time you bring it up, you were shot down in a war and spent years as a POW. So I understand you. All you want is to give all the young people today the same opportunity you had. Just like Clinton and his handshakes.