This week, I've spent entirely too much time on the Daily Kos, contributing naught but snarky comments and puerile digs at the campaign of a genuine war hero. I'm frankly ashamed, given all the good, serious investigative work and analysis that goes on here and I've decided, therefore, to follow the example of other diarists, and do some honest diligence for a change. Today, I quiet the voices in my head long enough to take a hard look at an emerging and important political force, and the threats they face from bifurcation and brand confusion. I thank all readers in advance for their thoughtful consideration and intelligent feedback.
To start with, some of you may have missed this short interview, sandwiched between two Viagra commercials sometime during the 12th hour of Hardball yesterday. Here is a transcript:
WELCOME BACK TO HARDBALL. HAAAH! So you've probably all heard of the PUMAs, that ardent group of Hillary Clinton supporters who are planning on raising a.... "Ruckus" (as my good friend Danny Killooghly in Catholic school used to say) down in, uh, the uh, the, convention down there in Denver next week. But what you probably HAVEN'T heard about are the OTHER PUMAs, a group of republicans. With me to talk about that is my guest "Kraut Thing". Welcome, Kraut Thing, so what's YOUR group whining about?
Hi Chris, first of all, we're not whining, though we do rasp at times, so I take exception to your language. PUMA stands for "Party of the Undead, My Ass!". We oppose the nomination of John McCain, and the shameful treatment of our candidate, Rudy Giuliani, by the RNC.
Okay, but unlike with the dems, which was a "nailbiter", as Churchill would say, your primary was a washout. Your candidate lost miserably. Why do you think you have a case to make?
Well, it's
I mean
er..
Sorry. Go ahead.
Sorry. Go ahead.
No you.
....
What I mean is...
Well the fact is that the undead... what..
No. Sorry. my bad. We have a bit of a delay here. I'll shut up.
...
...
...
...
What I was saying is that the undead don't get to vote. If we did, it would have been a landslide. Pretty simple stuff. It's about respecting our rights as undead as much as respecting the candidate.
So you're a bunch of concern trolls?
Well, we do have some trolls in our membership, as we do share a lot of common interest with trolls, but most of our membership is legitimate undead
No so I hear what you're saying about being, or at least FEELING disenfranchised, but what's wrong with McCain? I mean, isn't what he's done for the rights of the elderly not an historic thing?
You know Chris, everyone thinks "Oh, the undead can wait around for eternity, so we don't have to be in a rush to give them civil rights." But that's bullshit. The elderly get to vote, they get free medicine, and every time their peninsula gets destroyed the government rebuilds it. We live in boxes Chris, literally BOXES. Under the freakin GROUND.
I mean, what Giulini has done, in terms of putting cracks into the
"Ring of Protection from Evil", is really historic, and the RNC needs to honor and respect that.
But you know, I look at what's happening to the PUMAs, the the Democratic ones on the left there, and there's word they might be splitting into two different groups with separate concerns. Are you afraid that might happen to your group?
Well, sure, that's always a concern. I mean, we have a variety of interests - everything from the ghouls, who want to make sure to put exploitation of the misery of others right there as a major plank in the Republican platform, and then you've got the transvestite mummy coalition... - I mean yeah, there's a lot to cover, but that's what Giuliani has been able to do is bring those factions together under one pentagram. He's a uniter.
In fact, we're probably going to devour the democratic PUMAs pretty soon, so we have enough strength to take on Cheney and Rove, so if anything, there will be fewer PUMA groups by the time of the convention
So you're going to Denver first? Won't the timing be a little tight?
Chris. Buddy, we're undead. Time and space - not a factor.
Alright well, good luck to you, Kraut Thing. Thanks for coming on.
Thanks for hav....
Next on Hardball, is Joe Biden's hair a combover, or is it just kind of thin up top? Which will be seen as more elitist and out of touch in rural Pennsylvania? You're watching Hardball, only on MSNB...
{{{ VIVAAAAA VIAGRA!
Now, I couldn't tell what Matthews was alluding to when he said the Democratic PUMA's were threatening to split up. I gave a cursory glance at various PUMA forums, and before my browser went down in flames from CSS errors, I was able to catch some hostility between members who have inappropriate stalkerish feelings for Hillary and those who, dammit, just don't like Black people. Unless the die hard feminists and hard core racists can get it together, there may just be a rumble in Denver. Now, they may unite, if Kraut Thing and his people get involved, or it may just be an explosive melee of teeth, claws, crowbars, and leather-bound Gloria Anzaldua anthologies. Whatever the case, it promises to be a spectacle.