In a surprise announcement this morning, McCain campaign spokesperson Larry Arbogast revealed yet another shocking executive pregnancy, John McCain himself! Given his recent mood shifts, erratic behavior and sudden reclusiveness around the press, it seems obvious in hindsight that McCain was expecting...
More below...
According to accounts with campaign insiders, John's pregnancy was known only by a few in the inner circle of his campaign. He was planning on making the announcement later this week during the Republican convention, however, details of the pregnancy were leaked earlier today on the internet..
According to the source, who wishes to remain anonymous, John has been showing very few signs of the pregnancy, although he is already well into his third trimester. "It certainly explains all the awkwardly fitting suits, and pale complexion", commented senior style analyst Diana Redden. "It's absolutely amazing that his body could handle the pregnancy so well, and at seventy-two!"
Those nearest to him assumed that the extra paunch was due to an increase in beer consumption. However, junior level staffers began to suspect something during McCain's frequent late night requests for food. Handler Noah Banes recounts, "I began getting suspicious right about the time he started sending me on snack runs from the tour bus at all hours of the night. I just thought he was stoned... But last Wednesday night it all came together when he glared at me from the back of the bus and screamed, 'Get me some fudge motherf*cker. Now!' I knew right then and there that nobody could have that much aggression while smoking pot."
It remains to be seen how this pregnancy will affect McCain's campaigning. He remains very active, and throughout his appearances during hurricane Gustav, remained focused and unflustered. Unusual even by McCain's standards. The child, a boy, is due in mid October, so Republicans are hoping for a paternal poll bounce. Fox News analyst Alex Hesse spun, "We are thinking this plays, this plays well. What better way for John McCain to show his leadership than by boldly leading a child into this world." He added, "We are expecting a huge bounce in the pregnant father demographic, and that, that might just be enough to put us over the top." Now all McCain has to do is decide on a name...