My realtor left my house a few hours ago, after a meeting in which for the first time we discussed foreclosure. My husband and I have spent the past few hours discussing what to do. He just went to go to work, and I turned on MSNBC. Apparently the important news of the day has to do with a girl that recently went missing.
I got a subprime loan almost five years ago because I am self-employed, and I couldn't get a "regular" loan because I had no pay stubs, only bank statements. The loan was promptly sold by the original lenders. I refinanced two years into the life of the loan, into a 30 year fixed mortgage, putting extra money down to make one non-jumbo loan, with no second mortgage. I've never taken out equity, never renovated the house with anything other than cash. I've also never been late on a payment, even though my income has decreased by a lot over the past year to two years.
I've been in the same field for fifteen years in one field, two and a half in another (I have two jobs) with fairly stable income over time. The services I provide are not a necessity like food or shelter; since the economy has tanked, my services are some of the first to go. My mortgage and property taxes have gone from 25% to 80% on my income, even with all of the income from my second job.
I'd like to sell the house if I can. My concern is that I won't be able to without a huge loss that I won't be able to pay off. My husband has liquidated a retirement account to try to help us take the inevitable loss, but I don't think it will be enough. I might try to hold onto the house, but it's a one bedroom and we would like to have children-but most importantly, we will almost certainly have to move to another state for a job in his field. This would be a job that he has spent the past fourteen years working towards, so it's not like we can just throw that out the window and resign ourselves to staying here. Especially not given the percentage of our income that the mortgage requires.
We might try to rent the house, but it would probably be at a loss of $1500 per month. We'd also have to bet that things will get better in the relatively short run, and be landlords from hours away. The house will also need some work over time, and there's no money for that.
I'm writing this because I'm scared. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm trying to soothe myself and my nerves. I'm sure that I could have done things differently, and maybe I should have been able to see further down the road, anticipate this somehow. I shouldn't have bought the house in the first place, obviously. If there was any way I could change it, I would. I don't expect to be bailed out. I know I won't be. After everything I've put into this house, know that I still don't feel entitled to walk away with anything. Considering foreclosure is a relief, in a way-how could we ever pay of $75,000 if we took out a loan? This is being a grown up, you never know what's going to happen in the market, I know that. We aren't even really trying to sell because we are not able to make the mortgage. We just put ALL of our money towards the house. So we could be a LOT worse off. Please know that I know that.
I bought the house as a single woman. In my thirties, with failed relationship after failed relationship, I wasn't really thinking that I would meet and marry someone. I thought I might stay here forever. But my husband came along, and this amazing opportunity to have a life partner, and children, something I'd always dreamed of. Things changed. I don't feel as though I can change and move along with them. We could try to rearrange our whole lives around this house, try to continue surviving with this much of our income going into the house, hope it will get better in a few years. Would that be better? I don't know.
I guess this diary isn't really going anywhere. It's just another one of the hundreds and thousands of stories of people in this world right now. I still feel gobsmacked, mystified. Silly, huh?
I read the diary yesterday another Kossack wrote about his/her foreclosure here. I've written comments about my situation before, and to my surprise a lot of the responses were critiques about what I had done, what I should have done, how it was all my fault. I would have done some things differently, if I could have-but it can happen to anyone. Even people who don't "deserve" it, whatever that means.