Or, The Mystery, Passion, and Resurrection of Our Lord Sarah Palin, Her Ascension into Paradise...
The Villages, an hour north of Walt Disney World, bills itself as "Florida’s Friendliest Hometown." The largest residential real estate project in the U.S.---40 square miles sprawled across three counties---accommodates 30,000 houses and enough pharmacies, convenience stores and chain restaurants to serve 80,000 demanding residents 55 and older.
Locals in nearby Leesburg call it Viagratown. A gynecologist reported she treats more STDs at the Villages than she did in Miami, thanks to God’s little blue miracle.
In Viagratown, they believe in miracles. Tomorrow---Sunday---they hope to witness Sarah Barracuda’s resurrection and ascension to paradise.
And today, Viagratown is throbbing with excitement.
The Villages is a GOP Animal Farm, fully privatized and politically accountable: campaign contributions by top executives, accountants and sales staff (the Vtown equivalent of public officials) are posted online like resume credentials, and they’re all "R."
Local government is a GOP beta lab where schemes and scams get their ‘factory test.’ Last week, longtime Lake County reporter Lauren Ritchie at The Orlando Sentinel told how this one works:
Here's the short version of how The Villages developed -- with the help of a state law that spurs growth:
The developer builds a community. The law lets him create his very own government, which has the power to borrow breathtaking sums of cash by selling bonds. The developer-controlled government uses the bond money -- bonds are nothing more than loans -- to buy the developer's investment in amenities such as golf courses and pools. But the biggest percentage of the cash from recreational bonds goes to purchase the right to collect fees every month from residents. For example, of the $64 million worth of bonds the IRS is examining, $53.1 million bought nothing concrete. It went to purchase the rights to the future amenity fees.
Once more, with gusto: state government gives the developer control of local government. Local government borrows half a billion dollars, promising lenders its own taxpayers will pay it back over the next four or five generations. Then local government gives the developer the cash---for the right to collect the taxes that fund public utilities in the future.
Sound like any national economies you’ve been hearing about lately?
And whadaya know...
As of Aug. 31, 10 of the 12 governments in The Villages owed a stunning $709 million on outstanding loans they took out partly to pay developer Gary Morse for everything from future fee collections to retention ponds, sewer plants, clubhouses, swimming pools and golf courses.
Mix one part redistribution of wealth with two parts actuarial accounting, add a dash of time travel and a squeeze of state-level corruption and you get generations of indentured servitude. The Villages is the Holy Land of the GOP, the perfect setting for the Passion of the Sarah.
Speaking of lipstick, they buy it by the barrel here. The Villages owns its own radio station, its own TV network, and its own daily newspaper, the Villages Daily Sun:
...the country's fastest growing, seven-day per week newspaper... based on nationwide numbers released this week by the Audit Bureau of Circulation.
Managing editor Meta Minton took personal charge of the Resurrection of the Sarah, dutifully transcribing the inspired word of the prophets in classic press release style:
"There is a lot of excitement about Gov. Palin’s historic visit to Florida and to The Villages. She has energized the base, as well as former Hillary supporters," McCain/Palin 2008 Southeast Regional Communications Director Mario Diaz said.
Tallahassee Bureau reporter Joe Follick at the NYT-owned Ocala Star-Banner squeezed the Prophecy, Mystery, Passion and Crucifixion into two graphs:
The lead-up to Palin's first campaign visit to Florida was mysterious. At the Republican National Convention in Minnesota earlier this month, Tampa Bay-area Republicans said Palin was expected at a rally last week. That visit never occurred.
Early this week, state and local Republicans confirmed Palin's visit to The Villages. But on Wednesday, word leaked that the visit was being canceled due to weather concerns even though the forecast was only for 40 percent chance of scattered showers. That cancellation was reported on the Star-Banner's Web site, Ocala.com, Wednesday afternoon. Late Wednesday, however, the plans apparently were revived.
GOP evangelists claim The Villages is seized by a religious fervor:
"Sarah-mania has taken over here," said Richard Cole, the chairman of the The Villages Republican Club of Sumter County. "I think Gov. Romney, Mayor Giuliani and Sen. McCain drew 5,000 people. This one, we're expecting between 20,000 and 25,000."
"I would suggest that people who are going [to attend] should leave now," joked Joe Rudderow, the chairman of the Lake County Republican Party, on Thursday. "We're seeing an enthusiasm that really goes beyond description."
The Sarasota Herald Tribune ran a version of Frolick’s report yesterday. Toward the end they included some balance:
Not everybody in The Villages is so excited. Andrea Coburn, president of The Villages Democratic Club of Sumter County, asked if she would sneak a peek at Palin on Sunday, said she would not. Instead, she and fellow Democrats will spend the weekend registering voters and making phone calls.
But H-T saved its sensitive readers from the scariest facts:
She said Palin has "energized some Republican women in their base," but said Obama has mobilized Democratic women as well.
"The enthusiasm among the women and older grey-haired women here in The Villages to support Obama is electric," Colburn said. "It has energized thinking women who really care about women's issues."
Yesterday CBS Affiliate WTSP-TV Channel 10 in Tampa found a Viagratown elitist socialist terrorist-supporting cut-and-run Democrat to quote---he was in line for Resurrection tix:
...some Obama supporters joined the throngs wanting tickets.
"You have to be open minded and give people their due and listen to them," says Stu Rivchin, who says he'll likely vote for Obama. "Seeing them in person is obviously a lot better than seeing them on the 32-inch screen."
I’m guessing the GOP is ginning up propaganda right now to convince us that the Resurrection of the Sarah is a modern miracle.
They picked a perfect setting.