Wasilla, AK - State investigators and Alaskan Fish and Game officials announced today, that Republican VP nominee, Sarah Palin, is considered a primary suspect in the mysterious disappearance of long-time children's cartoon hero, Bullwinkle Moose.
Read the entire story below the fold:
Addressing a small band of Bering Strait news-scoopers from behind a shiny white whale jaw podium, Alaskan Wildlife Agent and part-time Ice Road Trucker, Sgt. Bill Preston, described the details that have directed the state's investigation toward the oft-pregnant potential VP.
"At 2pm yesterday afternoon, our office received a report from an unidentified caller, stating that a single white glove, some tufts of brown hair and a set of cartoon antlers seem to be half buried near the Palin's residence," began the mustached government mouthpiece.
"While initial intelligence lead us to believe that musician, Michael Jackson, may have met with foul play during one of Mrs. Palin's now famous celebrity, "Shoot the Ethnic" garden parties, further examination of the remains lead us to believe the victim was most likely an animated moose or reindeer," the dog-sledding game detective declared.
Among the many anxious bearded and Eskimo spectators in attendance at the media event, beloved Rocky the Flying Squirrel, stood somberly in the front of the crowd, hinged on every word during the announcement. The aviating varmint was clearly under the impression that the Palin's had played a hand in his bestest friend Bullwinkle's demise.
"I warned him not to go to that party for the Governor," the knee-high rodent recalled, a tear rolling down his tiny cheek, "I warned him that this was just another Republican trick," he added in his squeaky high tenor voice.
While a number of moose burgers, moose sausage, moose jerky and moose gum were found inside the Palin house, investigators were unable to find any more clues that Bullwinkle had entered the home, and indicated that digging through all that raw meat may take a number of days.
Though no definitive decision was ultimately announced publicly on whether the police would post arrest warrants for the Washington-visiting Wassilian family, the officer did offer the news that DNA samples from the ink-stained scene had already been dispatched to Bob's Tire and Bioservices near Anchorage.
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Our economy is going to hell, and our pay checks buy less and less. It has been one hell of a week, month, year, and 8 years, of the last decade. Hope this attempt at levity at least makes you smile a little.
AND to Sarah Palin I say, "how could you make stew and burgers out of BullWinkle. Isn't anything sacred" ???
PS: Copying and posting elsewhere is not only condoned, but RECOMMENDED