I walked into a crowded room and there he was, a tall, handsome man with a sparkle in his eye and a kindness etched on his face. He had me when he smiled and that was so for 19 years of marriage and continues to this day, the knowledge that one of the most magnificent people I have ever met is someone who loves me to this day, as I do him, is heartwarming every single one of my days.
For the first two or three years all seemed well and in most ways our relationship was one of great joy for us both. The bedroom that once housed two people hot for each other turned into a bedroom of performance anxiety, of guilt and shame. We went to therapy for years, we talked about everything except the one secret that was tearing us apart, that my loving husband was put on this earth to be with a man, to love a man in a way that was and is complete. A completeness that we never had or would ever have.
Loving him has taught me many things, perhaps most importantly that it is the opening of a heart and soul to someone else that truly matters and that forgiveness isn't a commodity but a lifesaver for two people who once believed that nothing would ever tear them apart which is still true to this day, the only thing that's different is the love has turned into a love of a person, of a friend, of a history that will be with us both forever.
This man I love has been with a kind, decent, loving, caring, funny, aware and curious man, a man that treats him with dignity and grace, the person who showed him that the guilt and shame he felt for so many years after we divorced was counter productive, harmful in ways that had precluded him from making a good choice in a partner, the pattern many fall into whether gay or straight.
He has opened himself and his heart to a man who knows nothing about being anything but kind and respectful especially to a man who deserves it all, the love and support of all of his 'spouses.'
His first wife and I have both said we will give him away, gladly in every sense of the word, when they walk down the aisle and are legally wed.
IF Proposition 8 fails.
As a woman I have known my entire life that I'm not equal to men. In my mind and in my heart I know I am of course but there's sorely lacking evidence that that is not so, that true equality has a real chance of not being there for women in my lifetime. It's a rotten thing to swallow over and over and over again. Equality is a right not a privilege, it's necessary for the well being of us all.
Not being equal can tear a heart to shreds, it can send self esteem plummeting, it can be seen with our own eyes that we are not worthy in so many ways. There were rights that were stepped into by some men at the moment of their birth, unless they were born gay. A huge UNLESS.
For those who think marriage isn't such a big deal, they are wrong, other than election years, there is NO place for talk of civil unions and that is so because marriage is sacred to so many, marriage is something many dream of, the very term civil unions dismisses the need and want and longing for marriage and sidelines what marriage is, why it is important on so many levels. It DEMANDS that millions of people who want to get married and are told they can't is not only settling, it's unsettling to the extreme for many.
Why should anyone have to compromise, why should anyone look around them every single day and see in others something they cannot have, marriage. When we're told we can't have or deserve something that millions of others have it's a fucking disgrace, it's inhumane and there's no escaping it, those married folks are everywhere.
I will never stop fighting for the equality of women, I will go to the grave fighting for those rights. I will never give up the hope that I'll see it in my lifetime. I will dance in the streets if the ERA ever makes it out of Congress to be ratified by three more states and I will dance in the streets when LGBTs are able to marry whom they choose.
Some get it right though, here's a story that will fill your hearts and make you smile. We love this teacher, yup, you will. :)
A group of San Francisco first-graders took an unusual field trip to City Hall on Friday to toss rose petals on their just-married lesbian teacher - putting the public school children at the center of a fierce election battle over the fate of same-sex marriage.
The 18 Creative Arts Charter School students took a Muni bus and walked a block at noon to toss rose petals and blow bubbles on their just-married teacher Erin Carder and her wife Kerri McCoy, giggling and squealing as they mobbed their teacher with hugs.
Are you smiling yet?
"It really is what we call a teachable moment," Jaroflow said, noting the historic significance of same-sex marriage and related civil rights issues. "I think I'm well within the parameters."
On Friday, McCoy and Carder, both in white, held hands on Newsom's office balcony overlooking the rotunda and recited their vows.
"With this ring, I thee wed!" Carder said, shouting the last word for emphasis.
After traditional photos, the two walked out City Hall's main doors where the students were lined up down the steps with bags of pink rose petals and bottles of bubbles hanging from their necks. McCoy, a conferences services coordinator, was in on the surprise and beamed as the children swarmed around Carder.
The two met on a dance floor two years ago.
They met on the dance floor, uh huh. :)
Carder's students said they were happy to see their new teacher married.
"She's a really nice teacher. She's the best," said 6-year-old Chava Novogrodsky-Godt, wearing a "No on 8" button on her shirt. "I want her to have a good wedding.
And what have the children learned? This will be with them their whole lives.
The students' parents are planning to make a video with the children describing what marriage is to them.
Marriage, 6-year-old Nolan Alexander said Friday, is "people falling in love."
It means, he added, "You stay with someone the rest of your life."
Teach the children well. It seems that Erin Carder does just that, and the children prosper.
http://www.sfgate.com/...
This diary is crossposted from My Left Wing.
http://www.myleftwing.com/...