This is a heart-felt request for you to use your money, if you have it, and spend it on killing Prop 8.
Right now, I have no money to donate. I am an attorney and have been in a position that I never thought I would be in: on unemployment. A perfect storm of an impending divorce to be filed in barely a week, a crappy housing market (into which my ex and I sold our house at a bit of a haircut, though not as bad as it could have been), two disabled children who have special daycare needs and serious weakness in the financial sector that funds my area of law practice have left me out of work and under pressure. I had savings, but not really any more (fortunately, I still have a strong work ethic, my health, very useful skills in a number of areas and cheap-as-f*** non-spending habits.)
I start back to work on Monday, happily, but I am in no position to fund candidates or causes, right now, other than my rent, my child support, my alimony, my children's day care and my share of their health insurance. (Have donated to Obama previously, before the recent financial storms hit.)
Now I want to donate to Prop 8. Let me clarify that: I want to donate to the DECAPITATION of Prop 8, to its funeral, to its Epic Fucking Fail.
Why? Here's why.
It's not because I am gay or want to get married. I happen to be straight, if it matters (and it doesn't) and want to get UN-married.
But who wants to get married?
The best man from my wedding almost 10 years ago might like to get married. He has been HIV-positive for the entire 12-odd years that I have known him. He now has a diagnosis of AIDS, unfortunately; that diagnosis is not the death sentence that it once was but it is still a very ominous fact in his life. He has been with the man in his life - a good-natured, funny schoolteacher - for about 6 years now. He is more married to him in practice than I am to my wife, with whom I have not shared quarters for now almost 11 months. Perversely, my marriage is more legally real when actually fake than his is when actually real.
My cousin married her wife on a mountaintop in New Mexico almost 15 years ago. My aunt and uncle refused to attend, though my parents did. My cousin would like to be married legally, but again, her successful marriage to her wife means shit in New Mexico, whereas I remain perversely burdened with my marriage. My wife now has had an engagement ring on her finger from Husband 2.0 and plans worked out with the minister in advance once our impending divorce goes through, but sickeningly my marriage to her means more legally than my cousin's does to her wife, who share a home, a romantic life and a consulting business together.
My closest friend from college is a walking refutation of every negative and positive gay stereotype. In the media, gay life is characterized as frolicking, campy, cheerful. My friend, like me, is dour, taciturn, pessimistic, fatalistic. We get along splendidly, really. ;-). He is more the marrying type than I am, I suspect; my workaholism and focus on the money probably cost me mine. He should have the protections of marriage if he finds the right fellow and they decide to be partners for life. My friend happens to be an ex-Mormon, and has been following with greater knowledge than most the degree to which Mormon money has penetrated, no OWNED the Prop 8 effort. In California, my friend's CA-based brother got interrogated about his financial and yard-sign support for Prop 8 during a "temple recommend", i.e. the interview where the bishop decides whether you are worthy to be admitted to the temple for ceremonies and issues you a card to that effect. Sort of the equivalent of getting pushed about your acts in the voting booth when you are in the confession booth.
Now these folks close to me don't live in California. I don't live in California, rather DC with Maryland roots. But my friends' and family's shot at having control over their lives and the legal protections of marriage are directly influenced by what goes on there. Maryland's highest court just ruled, 4-3, that same-sex marriage was not a requirement of Maryland's constitution. I disagreed with the decision not just on the policy, but on the law (I think Maryland's Equal Rights Amendment mandates same-sex marriage on the same basis as opposite-sex marriage.) But the Court of Appeals of Maryland disagreed with me and an amicus brief signed by a very large number of Maryland Law School's faculty - BUT made it absolutely clear that nothing in the Constitution of Maryland PROHIBITED same-sex marriage, if the General Assembly passed such a law. Unlike California, Maryland does not allow for "Propositions" through initiative though laws can be referred as Referenda or styled oddly as constitutional amendments for a broad vote. My fear is that a Prop 8 win (i.e. by the bad guys) in California would lead our wingnuts in Maryland to make a play for a constitutional amendment here. Especially since our Democratic governor has been very lukewarm to same-sex marriage protections, and is himself a wounded duck. A constitutional amendment following Prop 8's model would damage my sick friend's hopes of getting married here, and indirectly would damage my cousin and my closest college friend. It would inflict a severe financial, moral and political wound on the gay rights movement.
Now I have gone into a little more personal detail about myself here than I normally would. It's not directly your business, as it were, what the state of my marriage is. But I bring it up as a specific example of the perversity of the current law: two folks in straight marriage on the rocks and about to end it by divorce are MORE married and MORE protected (!?) than gay couples who actually want it and are making it work in real life. I also bring it up because the idea that straight marriage is either generally successful OR damaged by the potential existence of same-sex marriage is ludicrous. I don't blame my gay best man or my lesbian cousin for my marriage's failure, because I am not a stupid cowardly wingnut asswipe. I blame the real factors, my own shortcomings at the top but also religious differences that developed mid-way through the marriage and the strain of two autistic kids. But people who want to take the shot, who want to try - they should have the equal protection of the law. Period.
Okay, enough about "true confessions" from me. Back to inflicting damage on Prop 8.
Some of you folks donated to Obama. That's great. That's nice. But you know what? If Obama loses, it won't be because he ran out of cash. Obama can hit out another text message and the money will come; Axelrod and company are running the show like champions, smarter than Patton was when he sliced through the Wehrmacht and pissed into the Rhine in victory.
Salt Lake and wealthy Mormons are funding this Prop 8 effort like no tomorrow. There are more gay people in America than Mormons in America, but you would not know it from the bank accounts of Prop 8 and No on Prop 8. They are hitting them literally during their moments of prayer, and the saddest fact: these LDS donors are actually not monsters. Their views are screwed up, but they are mostly not vicious hateful lunatics.
That's what you should be afraid of: that most of the donors are NOT Sarah Palin/Bachmann assholes, but some decent, misguided people who are either trying (wrongly) to do the right thing or are being bullied and manipulated by their bishops or other pressure points. The LDS community is tight; a lot of people who join it join it FOR the tightness, and being ostracized or cut-off is scary. A lot of the donors are donating out of very thin means, especially in light of large family sizes and expenses that are common in that community. If only the demons were donating, we would be ahead. WE'RE BEHIND!
So what's this mean? It means that if you want to drive a stake into the heart of the wingnut machine, make them waste their money and never want to donate again, then you must tell yourself that Prop 8 must die. Even if you are not able to donate a million dollars (which is permitted in CA), you should donate. The fact that it may not be yours to complete the ruin of the last, living wingnut batshit asshole act does not mean that you are free to take a pass morally, if justice actually matters to you. And if not you, who? And if not now of all times, when??
I cannot donate and it rips my heart out. I will be in a position to donate again in late November. Great. Useless. My money won't be liquid until then, sadly. I cannot stand up for my best man, my cousin, my closest friend. Can you stand up for them? I won't "out" them here, but they are real people, with faces, jobs, senses of humor, senses of moral responsibility, good days and bad days - they are people. Will you stand up for them when I cannot?
PLEASE DONATE MASSIVELY, UNTIL IT MAKES YOU WINCE! You will feel so much better if you helped kill this evil, hateful law. Thank you.
UPDATE: FIXED LINK TO GO TO ACTBLUE/ORANGE TO BLUE LINK FOR THE BIG MATCH. OR GO TO KOS' LATEST STORY: http://dailykos.com/...
Second update: It's perfectly legitimate to do the right thing for the imperfect reason. For example, a pure heart would donate because it's the right thing to do. But won't you enjoy watching Fox News when they spit out that not only Obama won, but that Prop 8 lost, knowing that you donated to wingnut anguish? Imagine Rick Santorum shaking his head in disappointment. Go with Schadenfreude my friends; it will go where saintliness and "pure hearts" won't.