Six years ago today as I sat grieving in the funeral home the administrator said glibly to me that "you can pay for the funeral but you can't sign the death certificate". There was a hint of malice in her voice as she then stated "and power of attorney doesn't survive death". Follow me below the fold to hear my personal experience of dealing with the death of a partner in the homophobic state of Texas.
It was a rough October for me in 2002. One Doctor told me "you are nobody I don't even have to talk to you". When I said "I have medical power of attorney" he sarcastically retorted "not if i don't invoke it you don't". He shut up when I said "well if you wont invoke it I will find a doctor that will". Can you imagine having to beg some nurse to allow you into the emergency room to be with your husband/wife as they deal with life threatening issues? Can you imagine stretching your pay check to pay for an insurance policy that your employer would cover if you were just married? Can you imagine paying for this policy in the hopes of just being able to keep him alive longer? Can you imagine the fear of not being able to comfort him in the hospital just cause he's a fag? Can you imagine having to scramble to get his father to be at a fax machine to sign the death certificate as you are not considered "next of kin"(even though he hasn't seen his father in years and has been estranged from his mom for decades)? It has taken me a long time to deal with the demeaning remarks, the sarcastic comments, and the blatant homophobia.
He was the love of my life and I thought we would have a whole lifetime together. I never thought I would be dealing with his death(at 39) just 5 short years into our relationship. I never thought I would be a widower at the age of 44. He deserved to be treated better in the last month of his life and deserved a society that valued his life as much as it valued other spouses.
I have never told this story like this before. As the anniversary of this horrific time in my life has come again and the religious right is coughing up millions of dollars to deprive Californians of their right to marry I have decided to share my pain and degradation in the hopes that it will help people to understand what is at stake with Proposition 8. Please excuse the brevity of this diary but it has been difficult to contain my emotions as I write this.
They will steal your rights if you let them. The Constitution guarantees us "equal protection under the law" but the religious right wants to amend that to add "only if you are a heterosexual". There is much at stake in this election. Please help us prevent the hypocrites on the right from writing discrimination into the constitution.