I was reading Could Tucker Bounds be a bigger douche? by sharistuff and I had to laugh. The "epic fail" of the GOP smear machine has become one of the great joys of my life. The free fall panic of rats jumping off a ship that they sunk themselves, is truly delightful.
(Cross-posted at The National Gadfly)
The GOP is like a Clown Car of Failure:
Tucker Bounds is the living embodiment of the GOP crook motto: "Admit nothing. Deny everything. Make counter-accusations."
Delivered with a straight face, or (better still) with lipstick, the GOP has shown record high levels of contempt, race-baiting, fear-mongering, greed and insensitivity. They have hit some pretty low-water marks this election cycle.
We're wise to them. Lying is lying. Stealing is stealing. Murder is murder. False imprisonment is false imprisonment. Torture is torture. Pollution is pollution. Corruption is corruption. Violating the Constitution is the worst of all. Theocracy is theocracy. Facism is facism. Greed is greed.
Still, it would be a shame for their hard efforts to go unnoticed. There is no prize for last place, but I think we should consider an Academy Awards style presentation for their hard efforts. In honor of this year's mega-star, Sarah Palin and her ground-breaking performance, I will call this list: "The Lipstick Awards.
This year's categories and nominees are:
* The Stepford Wife Award, given to the best lipstick peddling poison with no shame. Nominees: Nancy Pfotenhauer, Sarah Palin, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Michele Bachmann. Winner: Four-way tie. This lying, smiling pack of hairspray, hatred are descendants of the Salem Witch Trial accusers.
* The Plantation Owner Award, given to the best angry, fat white patriarch defending the views of the KKK. Nominees: Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Karl Rove. Winner: Rush Limbaugh.
* The 3rd Commandment Award, given to a religious hypocrite, spewing intolerance, hatred and fear in Christ's name while amassing great personal wealth. Nominees: James Dobson, John Hagee. Winner: John Hagee (barely), but only God knows for sure.
* The Goldwater Award, given to GOP figures looking to salvage their career and hang this ass-whoopin' on McCain. Nominees: Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, Tom Ridge, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Winner: Mittens, he 'beat feet' outta town and turned off his GPS.
* The Nixon's Dirty Tricks Award, given to the GOP strategist for shocking and blatant dishonesty, slander and voter manipulation. Nominees: Rick Davis, William Timmons, Randy Scheunemann, Charlie Black. Winner: Rick Davis, pending the outcome of dozens of civil and federal lawsuits involving all nominees.
* The Lifetime Achievement Award for Lying, Cheating and Clawing to the Top Award, given to Sarah Palin for "just being Sarah". There is no bribe she will not take, no back she will not stab, no lie she will not tell - to further her political career. She is a natural talent.
* The Beltway Veteran Award, given to a powerful and respected legislator, holding the GOP together to salvage what they can. No entry.
* The "History Will Judge This President" Award, given to a sitting President whose horrible record will only get worse and cannot help anyone. Winner: "W"
* The Badhdad Bob Award, given to a Minister of Propaganda, obviously lying that nobody believes. Winner: Tucker Bounds. No contest.
All awards ceremonies leave someone out, that deserved recognition and this event is no different. John McCain's ground-breaking perfomance this year will leave a mark for generations. No words can fully describe it and no award can do it justice. Only he can truly understand it, after all - he created it.
- gadfly