Hey! All you Proposition 8 supporters! Listen up! We've got some reconciling to do!
Okay - so you guys have decided that your religious beliefs should be imposed on our legal system - you know, telling everyone what "marriage" means from a legal perspective, and just exactly how we get to legally use that word.
Fair enough; go ahead and insert your "divine institution" into our laws, go ahead and have your "traditional definition of marriage" be binding on everyone.
To balance things out, we're going to impose our legal beliefs on your religious system; we're going to insert our laws into your "divine institutions." You know, tell everyone - you included - just exactly how you get to legally use the word "God."
Sounds fair, doesn't it? Great! Okay, let's go -
So - I need to come up with a definition for "God," right? One that I can demand that everyone use, regardless of whatever their religious beliefs might be. Okay! So, where do we start? Hmmm -
Say! How about if I were to propose that our new, legal definition of "God" should be the most traditional one? You know - the oldest one, the one that goes back furthest in the historical record? Would you like that? Okay, fair enough! Here you go:
Yeahhh, traditional . . . Y'know, goin' all "traditional" on the "God" thing would mean that I couldn't possibly use any ol' Johnny-come-latelys, like that young upstart who does the burning-bush routine. Naw, smiting of entire cities, turning people into pillars of salt, parting of seas - too hip and modern.
But hold on a second here - actually, you know, I think I might be doing this all backward. I mean, the "traditional" approach is what all you Prop 8 supporters say you want for the "definition of marriage," right? So I guess it would make more sense for me - since I'm trying to counterbalance you - to go all non-traditional for my definition of "God," right?
Hmm. Yeahhh . . .
Okay! Fair enough! Let's get modern! Let's see, let's see . . .
Well, how about that Joseph Smith guy? That's a pretty new definition of what "God" is all about, right? It's less than 200 years old! That's pretty "non-traditional" in religious terms, right? I mean, golden tablets, special glasses, reading in a hat - that's downright up-to-date!
Yeah, right - if you're from the nineteenth century.
Okay, fine then. Hmm -
Hey! How about flying saucers and volcanoes and aliens?
Whoa - looks like someone saw too many cheesy 1950s sci-fi movies. Or, wrote them. Yeah - 1950s? Fine for the oldies station, not so much for our new definition of "God."
Okay - so, screw the x-ray glasses. The heck with flying saucers and trillion-year-old aliens - I need a God who is really new, a God who is totally non-traditional, a God who is the exact inverse of all of the "traditional" "Gods" defined in the old-school religions.
Hmm, let me think, let me think . . .
Ooh! Ooh! I've got it!
Oh, yeah - now, there's a definition of "God" we can believe in! Mm-hmm, yup. Complete with ritual costumes, miracles, and even sightings in the most unlikely of places -
Yup - I'd say we're onto something here.
And I can't possibly imagine what objection anyone would have to it - everyone is still free to practice religion; they'll just have to stop referring to whatever illegal so-called "supreme being" they might once have worshiped as, you know - God. If they want to invent their own name for it, that's fine, too.
Just don't call it "God."
Because, you know, that would undermine the real meaning of "God."