I was excited today when I read the following on the LA Times website:
Coming soon to EHarmony -- Adam and Steve.
The Pasadena-based dating website, heavily promoted by Christian evangelical leaders when it was founded, has agreed in a civil rights settlement to give up its heterosexuals-only policy and offer same-sex matches.
EHarmony was started by psychologist Neil Clark Warren, who is known for his mild-mannered television and radio advertisements. It must not only implement the new policy by March 31 but also give the first 10,000 same-sex registrants a free six-month subscription.
But then I kept reading.
It seems eHarmony is choosing a separate, but equal path to atonement:
The settlement, which did not find that EHarmony broke any laws, calls for the company to either offer the gay matches ...
... on its current venue or create a new site for them. EHarmony has opted to create a site called Compatiblepartners.net.
I'm sure if LGBT folks were integrated into the regular eHarmony site, all churches would immediately lose their tax exempt status, teachers would start showing gay pornos in classrooms, McDonald's would start serving fried kittens on their breakfast menu, rainbows would suddenly burst out of our assho...
Okay, I am getting carried away. I'm just so frankly fucking disgusted with these half-assed, bullshit compromises that the LGBT folks are supposed to swallow. I mean, I know they've got some premo swallowers among their ranks, but this is absurd.
Let's start with a classic: Don't ask, don't tell
Ummm... fuck you! If someone is willing to put his/her/shim's life on the line for this country, then he, she, or heshe can screw donkeys for all I care (as long as the donkey is consenting and of age, of course). I'm thinking it's time to change this sorry-ass policy to What the hell, just kiss and tell. Or, wait, how about Thank you for my freedom and my life.
Next up: Civil Unions
I'm gonna channel my inner-Palin here and say "Thanks, but no thanks." (My inner-Palin is an imaginary, lilliputian, winged creature with high fashion glasses, designer thigh high boots, and fangs.)
Yeah, so anyways let's get real... this is just more separate, but equal bullshit. So... it's not marriage. But it's the same as marriage. It just has a different name. Marriage TM? That makes about as much fucking sense as a Sarah Palin answer in a Couric interview.
And speaking of the name... Civil Unions. Really? Excuse me for being blunt, but what about when the union becomes uncivil? Girl, shoot. After the honeymoon stage, civility is out the window! Oh wait...silly me. Same sex couples can't have honeymoons because they can't get married! Maybe they can go on a honeycomet instead.
And finally, some other brilliant douchebag came up with this gem: Domestic Partnership
I mean, are they supposed to love one another til death due them part or open up a fucking house cleaning service here?
And, damn it, the straight folks had to jump in on the action and demand Domestic Partnership for themselves, too. I guess they wanted equal rights or some other such absurd nonsense.
So while it's equal, but not separate, it's still not marriage and still doesn't do a god damned thing to advance the notion that civil rights should not be contingent upon which gender you prefer to boink unsatisfactorily for two and half minutes, twice a month, for the rest of your long motherfucking life.
All snarking aside, I'd like to leave you with something a bit more positive and inspiring. The other night I was exploring the Sign for Something site, which represents Mormons and LDS members who openly support the right of gays to marry and actively seek to speak out against the church. I was reading through some of the church resignation letters that the Sign for Something members have posted on the website and found this beautiful and eloquent statement:
"I cannot be a member of a church which does not accept the diversity that exists throughout the world, nor do I believe any such church to be representative of God, from which that diversity springs."
Joel McDonald, Virginia Beach, VA in his resignation letter to the LDS Church
Separate but equal? How about different and equal? That's harmony.