The grief I feel at losing my mother still hasn't abated. In our family Thanksgiving was a very big deal. My mom was a wonderful cook, but it was more than her food which brought us together. It was that closeness, that family-sort-of-feeling.
-Janet, a Kossack in Need (KIN) and a friend
As we've seen in diary after diary, and as you have probably experienced for yourself, Thanksgiving is about the sweat and toil that go into the food, but it is also about the sweet tears we cry seeing those old, familiar faces one more time.
And for one woman, it was and is about the bittersweet tears she cried because that old, familiar face was now relegated to memories and pictures.
And memories, however involving, and pictures, however poignant or sharp, cannot hug you.
Last month, a small group of Kossacks set out to organize an outreach mission to help a few people through the holidays.
About 25 asked for help, and about 150 volunteered to help.
This is the story of two of those people who asked for help. It's about a group of people and their happy Thanksgiving.
And so much more.
I think I stumbled across dkos by accident. As I recall, I scanned a few news items and was delighted that they all seemed to reflect my own thinking. During the Election I learned to depend on dkos for accurate information. I still do! Then one day I saw the KINship article submitted (I think!) by Laura. The article was not a request for money. One could either be a Kossack in Need or one could satisfy the need of another Kossack. It was then that I wrote Laura, requesting a FAMILY to spend Thanksgiving with. In exchange, I would purchase everything for the meal.
I happened upon Laura's (black-leather-rain's) KINship diary because she posted it at the right time, just as is the case with Janet (whose letter I am quoting in this diary).
Blind luck. Only that, and nothing more.
But this story does not end with nevermore.
In fact, it isn't over. And as I join the ranks of KINship volunteers who either cried or suddenly found their ovens were on (apparently offices are reducing energy costs by installing entire kitchens near cubicles), ...
Folks, I've written stories that made my face drip. And I know those tears found other eyes to cascade from.
But the e-mail Janet sent me is long, and it's worth it, and I can't do it better:
Janet's story
My letter to Laura explained that money was not a problem and that I would be happy to provide a family with a Gift Card to their favorite grocery store. I further explained that I am a terrible cook; I hate it. It would actually give me great pleasure to pay for a family's Thanksgiving Dinner, if I could share the time with them and not have to...cook!
Laura then put me together with Cheryl. Cheryl and I decided to meet each other first. I think that's basic safety in this day and age! I took Cheryl to lunch at a nice restaurant and we had a long talk. Cheryl discovered that I was not a thug and that she didn't have to fear having me in her home! I discovered that Cheryl and I had a great deal in common! Cheryl's mom passed away in 2007; she understood what I was going through.
Cheryl told me what time to be at her house and gave me clear directions. When I arrived, I was very warmly received. The family consisted of Cheryl, her husband, their two sons, Cheryl's dad, Cheryl's friend Ellen, 2 dogs and 1 cat. I had a wonderful, wonderful time. The food was exquisite, and I wished that I had had more...room. But the food wasn't the most impressive thing! We all talked about our Obama, and we all felt that, after 8 discouraging years, we finally had a truly great President. Before I went to Cheryl's home, I was resolved not to mention POLITICS. I mean, Patrick, it's a bit rude, isn't it? Well, not with a Kossack Family! We talked politics for hours! It was such fun, and it drew us together somehow.
After I left, the new friendship got even stronger. Cheryl's husband offered me his help in hiring someone to re-model my kitchen. Cheryl and her husband are going to try to teach me (if anyone CAN!) how to cook a turkey. Cheryl's husband cannot drive, and Cheryl needs a lift for when she has outpatient surgery. I'm happy to drive her anywhere she wishes. I need someone to take ME to surgery too and drive me home; I'm getting tendonitis in my thumb fixed, hopefully. Our friendship appears to be one of sharing, and that's how any friendship should be.
I'm happy to tell you also that Cheryl and her family have invited me to their house for Christmas. I am looking forward to it enormously. My holiday season could be a great deal...worse.
KINship really SAVED me. Grieving is bad enough, but it's especially hard during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have lost all of my family. I never married, because I never found the right man. To me, marriage was "'til death do us part." My mother, father, sister and I were always very close--too close, I'm afraid. My father died in 2000. We had a LITTLE warning, so we were able to say goodbye. My mom and I held his hands as he died. My younger sister died in 2001 of carbon monoxide poison. That was worse, because we couldn't tell her goodbye. We couldn't be with her. But I still had my mother. We supported each other. When one of us got down, the other could pull her back up again. I knew my mom had a fatal disease, but I didn't know she would die so suddenly. Part of my grief is bitterness, because I now realize that her doctor COULD have saved her and did not. Some doctors, sadly, feel that a 90-year-old is not worth much effort. My poor mom didn't count with a medical establishment motivated only by profit. I miss her more than these words can ever say. There's no one to share my grief with now.
And yet, there is Cheryl, a fellow Kossack. And that, Patrick, is why the KINship program is so important to me.
I DO have a suggestion. It is clear that Kossacks-in-Need can involve a great deal more than just money. Do you suppose that perhaps the program could be advertised to more Kossacks? People need different things, and Kossacks need things at other times besides the Holiday Season. If a Kossack, say, needs a job and another Kossack from the same town or city needs an employee, couldn't KINship put them together? If a Kossack needs transportation somewhere, couldn't another Kossack provide it? The list of ways in which we could be helpful to each other is endless. It doesn't have to involve money.
I saw Laura's diary about KINship only once; then it disappeared and I didn't see it again. I was somehow under the impression that THOUSANDS of people wanted KINship. Even now, I don't know, but I consider myself very fortunate to have logged on to dkos at just the opportune time.
Personally, I feel that the Country is going through a very rough time now. We are, as Keith Olbermann might say, "Bushed." I cannot WAIT until January 20. I'm just LIVING for it.
What KINship is about
The only part of Janet's e-mail to me (as Laura requested for this diary, and as Janet was more than happy to provide) you didn't see was where she said she wasn't sure how she could help us.
Because, yes, this diary is about two Kossacks who had a better Thanksgiving because of us. It is about Cheryl's sweat and toil, and it is also about the sweet tears we at KINship central cried seeing Janet get new old, familiar faces one more time. This was not a one-time deal, and it was not just about cooking or money. It was and is about a new family for Janet and a new family member for Cheryl. It was change we can all believe in — did you see the "our Obama" part?
And this diary is also about (and for) the Kossack who didn't see the first few diaries and will see this one and maybe feel some hope is out there waiting.
And this diary is also about the Kossack who wants to do more than phonebank and GOTV and give to progressive politicians ... who wants to make a personal connection with someone who needs to know that he or she is still worth my time and your time and ... what we can do for each other.
KINship exists to connect those who want to help Kossacks to those Kossacks who ask for help. It started a month ago today here, and what a month it's been.
How to get involved
NOTE: Widget is currently experiencing technical difficulties, so your best bet right now is the donor forms:
KINship donor form
KINship request form
If those don't work, copy and paste www.rooftopstories.com/node/13 for donors or www.rooftopstories.com/node/14 for requesters into your browser's address bar.
Janet mentioned this above:
I DO have a suggestion. It is clear that Kossacks-in-Need can involve a great deal more than just money. Do you suppose that perhaps the program could be advertised to more Kossacks? People need different things, and Kossacks need things at other times besides the Holiday Season. If a Kossack, say, needs a job and another Kossack from the same town or city needs an employee, couldn't KINship put them together? If a Kossack needs transportation somewhere, couldn't another Kossack provide it? The list of ways in which we could be helpful to each other is endless. It doesn't have to involve money.
Kossacks Networking is one excellent place for Kossacks who need jobs or need to fill jobs. And back a few weeks ago, I was hard at work matching KIN (as we call them, and the capital letters are often a mere formality) who wanted ... well, KINship with other Kossacks — or with anyone. And it was tremendous fun playing, as a co-worker called another (but philosophically similar) activity, human tetris.
And I want to play again, damnit. Christmas is coming, and I know there are people who will be home alone who don't want to be. And I know there are people who'd be happy to have another smiling face in their living room. And I know, because I've seen the list and compiled the e-mail addresses, that there are people who want to give of their time, or their skills, or their money, or their space to KIN.
And if we have 150 people willing to help after two calls for donations and requests, I can only imagine what more outpouring we will get — of any and all kinds — after this diary.
What we have and how you can help
The outpouring we have received so far has overwhelmed us on both fronts. I am not generally humbled, but seeing 150 relative strangers willing to give $20, $50, $100 (and more) to people they knew if only barely or by general association had me in tears. I was processing them like data, and there they were being real live people.
And there is a real live person among us, a Kossack who has a $2,000 water bill.
We'll be doing what we can for her. But we need your help. So does she.
And we want to help her, and you, whatever your problem is. Can we do it all? No. For example, there's a Kossack who owes $60,000. That's beyond our means right now. But maybe someone reading this diary can help that person with a job lead or some pro bono work reducing that debt.
Maybe someone can help someone else.
And we're here to get those two people talking and helping — each other. We all need help with something.
Janet got help. And Cheryl and her family got help.
And now you can help — and get helped.
NOTE: Widget is currently experiencing technical difficulties, so your best bet right now is the donor forms:
KINship donor form
KINship request form
If those don't work, copy and paste www.rooftopstories.com/node/13 for donors or www.rooftopstories.com/node/14 for requesters into your browser's address bar.
Yes, but ...
Got a question? Comment? Something else? Comment here or e-mail us at kinshipplanning@gmail.com and we'll get back to you as quickly as we can.