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It's weird how we define ourselves by the things we own.

I knew the bank was coming to get the car.  I've been underemployed for an entire year.  There were months when I only earned two or three hundred dollars.  The car payment and insurance alone were $500 per month.  I knew I couldn't afford it, but I needed it- and I was afraid of the embarrassment I knew I'd feel when it came time to tell the family members and friends who don't know my true financial situation where the car went.

The bank started threatening to repossess the car a little over a month ago.  I explained that my business was going under, that I didn't have anything left in savings, and that I couldn't pay the bill.  The collectors started leaving seven and eight messages per day threatening to come for the car. Since I knew I couldn't stop them, I went and bought some comfortable walking shoes and a warm coat with the money I had left.

I cried a little when I first realized that I was going to be relinquishing my access to a warm, reliable vehicle in the middle of the coldest months of the year.  Then, about three weeks ago, I decided not to cry anymore.  I let go of my fear of other people's opinions and decided to just be prepared to wake up one morning and find it gone.

It dawned on me that I am not alone.  This is happening all over our country right now, so if my hoity-toity friends can't like me after the repossession of my car, then they weren't my friends in the first place.

Tonight, my brother came from his bedroom into the living room area yelling- "STELLA! They're taking your car!"

Then his daughter, my niece who's only 9 asked: "Auntie Stella... why are they taking your car?  Is it broken?"

I answered the dreaded question for the first time, and I answered it honestly:

"They took Auntie Stella's car 'cause she can't afford it anymore baby. But it's gonna be okay.  There will be other cars."

So first, it was the apartment. Now it's the car.

Oh well.  On to the future. I will rise victoriously from these ashes.

UPDATE: Rec list? Awwwww shux. You guys are awesome. =)

Originally posted to Stella 4 Obama on Fri Jan 02, 2009 at 10:02 PM PST.

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