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Today’s News in Brief:

GOP Lawmakers Added to Endangered Species List
President Obama today signed an Executive Order adding GOP Lawmakers to the list of endangered species after last night’s vote on the Economic Recovery Plan revealed that only three Republicans remain in Washington who are actually making laws.

Search for Commerce Secretary Continues
The list of possible candidates narrowed yesterday after New York Governor David Paterson requested that Caroline Kennedy’s name be withdrawn from consideration.

National Peanut Corp. Files Chapter 7
After Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner refused to consider their request for government assistance in dealing with their toxic assets, company president Stewart ‘The Fifth’ Parnell declared that the company is now financially, as well as morally, bankrupt.

Phelps Apology Tour Continues
After Friday’s apology to the people of China, the Olympic champion today apologized to commercial marijuana growers, saying, "I made a serious error in judgment smoking ‘homegrown’ provided by the friend who photographed me smoking it. For that, I am truly sorry."

Mascot Tests Positive for Growth Hormone
Lawyers for the San Diego Chicken are challenging the results of tests showing the presence of CGH (Chicken Growth Hormone) in his system, arguing that more than 90% of poultry in the United States is, "born that way".

From: TheDesperateBlogger.com

Originally posted to real satire on Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 07:46 AM PST.

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Comment Preferences

  •  K-Street immediately sued the Obama (4+ / 0-)
    administration for allowing the Republicans to become so endangered within only two elections cycles.  A spokesman for K-Street said "We just so recently had a great relationship with the Republicans.  We did our part, they did their part and everybody made a fuckin' fortune!  Now, because of the Democrats and the Obama adminsitration, we might have to send our children to those dirty public schools instead of the private schools they have been attending, and we might have to take public transit due and be touched by the dirty people because of our loss of revenue.  The Spotted Owl is looking like a huge success story compared to Republicans in D.C. right now.  It is a travesty to the rich and powerful."

    The Obama administration said, "Tough shit.  Get used to it losers."

    The Republican Party's agenda to subjugate average Americans is so rotten, it smells worse than the toilet seat on a shrimp boat." Aristotle

    by funluvn1 on Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 07:51:22 AM PST

  •  I doubt it..... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Calamity Jean

    I mean, endangered species are ones we try to protect so they can thrive and repopulate again. We want the GOP to go the way of their animal equivalent: the dodo bird.

    Obama/Biden vs. McCain/Cujo

    by sd4david on Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 07:52:26 AM PST

  •  The San Diego Chicken (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    LordMike

    The man inside the chicken suit, Ted Giannoulas, started his career as the KGB Chicken. No, he wasn't a Communist agent but a spokesbird for a San Diego radio station. Later on, he barnstormed the country under the name "The Famous Chicken". I have a stuffed replica of the famous bird, autographed by Giannoulas himself.

    "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."--Michael Corleone.

    by Dump Terry McAuliffe on Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 07:56:43 AM PST

  •  As to the GOP, extinction never sounded so good! (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Calamity Jean
  •  "List of EXTINCTIONS" (0+ / 0-)

    is where they deserve to be.

    SeattleDanny Election 2008: YouTube versus feeding tube

    by SeattleDanny on Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 08:01:05 AM PST

  •  Oops! (0+ / 0-)

    Obama took them off the endangered species list because hunters in Montana boycotted, and said that these repugs are taking too much from our state and we need to go after them wherever they are.

  •  to improve the GOP's chances of survival... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    followyourbliss

    wildlife managers are recommending that airports increase the number of  bathroom stalls available for mating

  •  Open Season on Republicans (0+ / 0-)

    Usually can be found obstructing Democratic reforms wherever they might be.

    No Limit on Repubs over the age of 17.

    Happy Hunting!

    Hurry before the ban on hunting is enforced!

    And they said a black man would never be President.....

    by xxdr zombiexx on Sat Feb 14, 2009 at 08:09:21 AM PST

  •  I can't believe their self-destructive behavior. (0+ / 0-)

    In the past two weeks they've made clear to the American people that party discipline was more important than thought. Of course, we all knew that about them--Dominionist to their last breath. But most folks on the street thought they had a bit of logic down there somewhere. If the vote had been mixed, they might have argued something about their principles. But Boehner made it clear they were following orders. How stupid!

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