Yes, folks. It's almost election season again. So dig down deep into that shrinking retirement fund and send off a contribution to support Senator Roland Burris (D-umbass). You see, the junior Senator from Illinois has been working in D.C. for only a few weeks, but we know you approve of everything he has done so far. So it's time begin the reelection campaign now, before your 401k is in the red.
I know you are all dying to know where to send the money...(We have made it fairly easy by putting the donation info on the front page of the website)
But WAIT! There's more!
We can't call it a re-election, see because of the rules, etc. (You know how the government loves its rules! HA HA) And, yes, there was a little thing about Democratic leaders suggesting Burris not seek election in 2010 if he were appointed to this Senate seat. But we are prepared to claim that was due to unfair treatment by the media!
At this point we should point out that numerous Republicans, including Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) Richard Burr (R-N.C.), think we should keep Burris in the Senate. Everyone knows that Republicans always have the best interests of the Democratic party in mind.
Furthermore, we want to remind everyone that this is the very same seat held by Barack Obama before he was promoted to President. So if you liked Obama, then you must also like Burris. (Do the math!)
We know there are lots of other worthy causes out there at the moment. Perhaps your neighbor has lost his job. Maybe your family home is being foreclosed upon. There may be people going hungry locally or abroad.
All those other causes notwithstanding, we still think your money should go to Senator Burris.
Without further ado, help Senator Burris now. He will put all the money he earns serving his constituents to good use.
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Update:
I had a feeling a certain FP editor would post this while I was writing! Damn you, Barbara Morrill aka BarbinMD and your superior typing ability!
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Update II (from DeminWisconsin in comments):
Here is a handy link to the page on the website listing Senator Burris accomplishments: